I apologise for yet another lengthy absence. I have been travelling the world, seeing all sorts of wonders and things of amazement! Well, I spent four days in Brussels and four days in London. Exciting but not terribly exotic or anything. I did have a pre-travel blog all written out for you to let you know where I was and all but my iphone app refused to post it no matter how many times I tried the "retry" button so I gave up. AND despite the fact that I wasn't travelling to the moon, internet surfing on my iphone is RIDICULOUSLY expensive and/or the phone/internet/wi fi signals in other countries suck. Particularly in London, which was surprising. Anyhoo, I will tell you all about the cool stuff I did next time, today it's time for a rant. Just because.
I may have told you before but I dislike travelling alot. I like visiting other countries but I hate the actual getting to and from said countries. Here's why:
- As previously mentioned, internet signals suck in other countries and I miss Facebook and Gmail and being able to post amusing pictures of amusing sights to entertain you fine folk. For example I wanted to post you pictures of the two most amusing metro stations (Kunst Wet in Brussels and Cockfosters in London) but when you're home the joke has passed and you look immature;
- Meteor charge €10.24 per MB downloaded if you do manage to get a 3G signal. WTF?!
- Aul wans - there is an extra high proportion of aul wans in airports and somehow airports manage to intensify aul wan traits such as walking as slooooooooowly as possible, wearing beige, skipping queues, looking annoyed at anyone who crosses their path and generally getting in the way;
- Travelling makes me feel sick. I have managed to feel sick on pretty much every mode of transport invented except when I'm driving. In London, we went on the HMS Belfast which is a big ship in the Thames and is welded to a dock and doesn't move. Well I felt it move alright?! My internal wobble radar felt it move! I didn't puke but it was touch and go there for a bit. In fact I'm still getting a bit vertigo-y.
- The smell of diesel at the airport. Could there be a more claustrophobic and stomach churning smell in the world?!
- Having to get to and from the airport. These days getting a taxi is almost a dirty word because you're pretty much admitting defeat and people think you're lazy and have no concept of money for, God forbid, wanting to arrive at your destination without having a stroke. You're expected to be only thrilled to be lugging a suitcase and a handbag around on public transport. Damn you society and your judgemental eyes! When I am rich I will make tou carry me around in a litter!
- Touristy stuff ain't cheap. Everyone's alway going on about soaking up other cultures and finding out about other people and I do like a good museum but you'd want to be pretty minted to be soaking up some cultures. Museums are a license to print money. Maybe I'll open one. The Museum of Cows. It's not that insane, there's a Leprechaun Museum in Dublin and they don't even exist and they charge like €15 to get in!
- All that security crap is starting to bug me. My bra always sets off the scanner thing and so they have to do an ol' pat down, do they think I have an AK 47 up there or something?! My boobs are big but jeez...
- Flying is like so anti-comfortable. It's whole mission is to make you feel cramped and icky; the plane itself has no air and then the seats are all squished up together and the toilets totally freak me out. I kinda have a thing about loud noises, it's why I don't like hoovering or mowing the lawn and when I was little I couldn't turn my back on a flushing toilet for fear of ...I'm not sure exactly but something bad anyway. (I know, I know... I probably need some kind of therapy....) But the airplane toilet is even worse! It's louder and it' got sucktion...suction? suckshon?! Wtf?! Brain not working...anyhoo, you better not let your ass cheeks anywhere near that vacuum.
- Goddamn weight restrictions. We're in a recession, people are supposed to be shopping BUT I am restricted in my shopping by how much stuff I can bring home! AND I bought a bottle of True Blood in London and I had to drink it before we left because of the liquid restriction. It was actually REALLY tasty but would've been tastier with ice in a glass in my back garden. But no I had to drink it in my hotel, from the bottle, like some common urchin.
In short, I am so happy to be home and surrounded by familiar things and shops and people. Although I do like hotels, I dunno why. I like the neatness of a hotel room and how the bedsheets are so fresh and crisp. And air conditioning. Praise the Lord for air conditioning.
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