Today I was very healthy and sporty, I got up and went out for a walk. Before breakfast! I know, crazy right?! The sun was kind of shining and I had my ipod on, listening to some choons, all was right with the world. I had to stop off at the shop on the way back to get some butter and cat food and while there a lovely lady gave me a taste of some mushroom soup which unfortunately I couldn't afford because I only brought €5 with me.
(It's so annoying going for a walk sometimes because I have no pockets in my tracksuit bottoms and so I put the fiver in the back of my phone. I need some sort of walking purse holder thing. But not a bag because they bang off your leg. Not a bum bag either because I'm not a tourist.)
Anyway, so I hop on the express queue where there's a lady finishing up but I notice there's a loaf of bread and some milk and it sends a chill down my spine. Because OF COURSE an aul wan has left it there while she runs off do to a bit more shopping, and here she is running back with her fucking shop brand jam that she conveiently forgot. So anyway, since I'm all zen like and relaxed from my sunshine filled walk I simply glare and the back of her head for a few seconds and then turn back to looking at the Chuppa Chumps lollipops, trying to decide if it'd be too much of a hassle to eat one with braces. Then I hear:
"Can I have twenty euro credit for a nokia phone aswell, love." Silence descends over the area as we all try to digest what she just said.But yep, that's EXACTLY what she said and I knew then and there this was not going to be a simple transaction. So the woman on the till quite rightly asks:
"What network are you?"
"I don't know."
"Do you know your phone number?"
"No."
"Are you 085, 086 or 087?"
"I don't know. Can you not tell just by looking at the phone?"
It's at this point that my zen-like status has completely vanished and the woman on the till is wondering what exactly she did in a previous life to deserve this, so she calls over to two colleagues who are at the help desk and gives them a look that pretty much says 'I'm going to kill this bleedin aul wan' and says (in that way that all shop people speak when their customer is being a knob and they have to pretend to be helpful; if you work in a shop you know what I mean!):
"Do either of you know what kind of credit goes into a nokia phone?"
And of course the two colleagues are equally as shocked by this aul wan's complete ignorance so they ask her to ring their phone and they can see what number comes up.
Can she make a call? Of course not.
When the shop person makes the call, what does it come up as?... You've guessed it! Private number!
The original till woman is serving me at this stage having realised what a knob this aul wan is and as I'm leaving they're telling her to go home and check the box or something and in typical aul wan behaviour she's getting annoyed at THEM!
"Well, I don't want to come all the way back down. I don't know what the problem is, I get credit here all the time."
I had to leave before I had an aneurysm.
What really gets me is that women like this have managed to live to be 50/60/70 years old. They have kids and grand kids! They lived through possibly one World War, a fuel crises, recession and the utter bleak and depressing landscape of pre-modern Ireland! How, HOW in God's name do they get like this?! I may have to start a whole new blog purely for the observation and mocking of aul wans. I think it could work.
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