The Scratch Card Junkie

Massy's Wood

2012-01-29T21:59:00.000Z

I've been going for alot of walks recently, since we have a dog now, and we've been trying to go different places to make is a bit more interesting. So for the past couple of weeks we've been going up to Massy's Wood in Kilakee up the Dublin Mountains. It's only about 10 minutes from where I'm living in Tallaght and is about 15 mins from the M50 Firhouse exit. this place is SERIOUSLY cool. Seriously. It's across the road from the Hellfire Club and is a woodland walk with different trails and a river. The site used to be a mansion that was sold off and demolished in the 1940s but it had been there since the 19th century. I found this picture of it on the South Dublin Libraires website:

All that's left is the outline of the house and garden which is now someone else's house and garden. The house also had a walled garden which is still there and is absolutely huge, it may even have been bigger than the house actually. Obviously it's not used and it's basically just the walls and is all overgorwn but it's so amazing to see. You go on this walk through the wood and we followed the river and came upon the garden hidden away behind trees and bushes. And then you can walk through the whole thing and you can still see the out line of the irrigation system and the green house and the whole thing sits on sort of a hill top looking down the river and the river has all these little stone bridges over it. It's such a shame that the house got demolished, it was in such a gorgeous location and the gardens must have been amazing but at the same time the forest has gorwn around the ruins and created this really beautiful, enchanting space; everytime I go I feel like I'm going into The Secret Garden. There's also an icehouse where people kept their meat and perishables in the old days. The forest has been planted with loads of different speices of trees including a Sequoia which is only a baby but will one day be gigantic. There is also the ruins of a neolithic tomb which to be honest you'd thing was just a pile of rocks but it's still pretty amazing to think that people have been living in the dublin mountains that long. Anyway, here's a few photos:

This is just a ruin of either a small house of a mill because it's right next to the river and there's a big stone thing beside the river that could have had a wheel, but that's just a guess and not a terribly educated one at that!

The ice house

The outside of the garden, at the back looking over the river

This was just lying in the middle of the garden, looks like part of a statue, perhaps of some beautiful woman who died tragically and now haunts the place. Or not. I suggested to boyfriend that we make the little Blair Witch stick figure and hang it up somewhere to freak people out but he rightly pointed out the only person I'd freak out is myself.

The tomb.

Not sure what this was but it looked like it was something once.

Letter Writing Campaign

2011-12-09T01:57:00.001Z

So this week we had The Budget and although it hasn't had a massive effect on me directly, it will indirectly which is exactly what the boyos in the Dail want I suppose. We won't all storm the place right away, it'll take a while for us to realise how much worse off we are and THEN we'll storm the gates.

Although, let's be honest, we're too fucking interested in what's happening on X Factor to be arsed storming the gates.

This got me thinking though, we're clearly not very good at dealing with confrontation as a nation. I dunno what's happened to us, we've clearly been eating too many goat's cheese tartlets and take away coffees and now we're just a bunch of apathetic little nancies who can't spell and have a nervous breakdown when it snows. Would Michael Collins be caught on the news slipping on ice and smacking his head against a wall? Never! Would Dev be caught dead in BT2's? I think not! It's time for us as a nation to stand up to our oppressors and tell them to fuck the hell off! Enda and the gang need to stand up and say 'Shag the bank guarantee, let's take back the taxpayers's money from the bankers' grubby little hands! Let's ensure no one ever has to die on a trolley in a hosital corridor! Let's make sure our young people get jobs! Let's encourage investment! Let's bring down VAT to encourage spending! AND let's tackle landlords and their greedy upwards only rent clauses in the retail sector!'

But, alas, Enda and the gang don't have the balls. And unfortunately we're not very good at getting out and protesting. So, what I propose, dear friends is that we start a letter writing campaign. But not just any letter writing campaign, oh no.

Step 1: Every one of us goes out and buys a big box of ping pong balls. Divide into pairs. Decorate/put in bags if you so wish.

Step 2: Select a TD who has let you down/gone back on election promises.

Step 3: Send selected TD a pair of balls with a note saying something like 'I believe you might have lost these?'

Step 4: Do it every week til they crack.

Personally, I think it's ingenius. But that's just me. Can anyone recommend a place that sells ping pong balls in bulk?

Item of the Week Special Edition!

2011-11-17T13:08:00.001Z

That title got you going didn't it? Don't lie, the words "special edition" always get you going, don't they? Dirty bitch.

Well, today is a rather special edition of Item of the Week because the item in question is in fact A BAND! I know right?! Thrilling! As a matter of fact, this is my cousin's band - I come from a MASSIVELY talented family you know, we're gonna take over the world. Maybe. So, please read on and lend your support to some homegrown talent:

WICKER BONES

So, Wicker Bones is made up of Bryan, Boggle (musicians, eh?), Ian, Dylan and Keelan, who all hail from various parts of Leinster. The music the band makes is traditional/folk but with an experimental feel. The band came together through mutual friendships, old jobs, college and post-party sessions at 4am which eventually turned into a regular stint in The Pint in dublin and from there festivals and now, the world! The name of the band comes from the idea held by the Celts that the spirits of the dead rose into the willow saplingsthey planted by graves, thereby keeping the essence of the departed ones alive. As such Wicker Bones representsa strong core essence containing the spirit of our culture with the potentialfor it to develop into new bodies and forms.

They recently released a short album entitled The Martry Sessions, named for the house where the album was recorded (Martry House in Meath). Recorded byTonyO'Brien of Empty Riff Productions (http://www.emptyriff.com/) it is a mixture of old and new with three arrangements and three original songs included; a representation of where the band were at the time.

The first track "Planxty Irwin/The Parting Glass"is a medley of a traditional Irish tune and a traditional ballad. The dissonant transition between the twosongs is in stark contrast to the pleasantly consonant atmosphere set up byPlanxty Irwin. Bryan wrote the second track "One Man On James' St."in response to what he saw around Dublin every day when walking and busking.Focusing on a man who sat on the Centrawindow ledge on James' St.) it was also inspired by a lot of other people that he talked to when busking or just walking through town. Bryan also wrote The Pieces Fit, "the first love song I ever wrote", aw bless! The chorus refers to previous bad experiences in relationships and that they were now relegated to distant history. Dylan Curran wrote "The Landlord" when himself and hisgirlfriend were evicted overnight from their apartment. This was anexample of a landlord abusing their position, something they were all familiar with, and Dylan decided to write a song about it. One reviewer drew links between the narrative of thesong and Ireland's state of affairs over the last few years. The next track on the CD is another tune/ballad medley... It was originallyfast paced and written for the uilleann pipes but Dylan slowed it down andarranged it. "We felt that this tune would be a suitable preludeto Follow Me Up To Carlow which we interpreted as a fast paced rousing stomper.This one is a great tune to play live and always gets people up dancing. Thiswas one of the reasons we chose this song to play in front of 25,000 peoplewhen we were in China recently for the Heluo Cultural Festival in Luoyang City." The final track on the CD is a cover of Masters of War byBob Dylan. "We recorded this in one take at the very end of our weekendrecording session and were so happy with the unsettling atmosphere it createdand power of it that we felt we had to include it."

The album was launched in October this year in The Mercantile Venue on Dame Street with performances from Let's Set Sail (http://www.facebook.com/letssetsail), Lynched (http://www.myspace.com/lynched4life) and Mac Giolla Geata (http://www.myspace.com/darayeates) as well as a performance from the band themselves:

The band have been playing regularly in pubs in Dublin and Kildare (The Pint on Eden Quay, The Ball Alley in Lucan and The Courtyard in Leixlip) since 2009 and in festivals all over the country in 2010 and 2011. In September of this year they were the first Irish band to be invited to play at World Culture Festival, Louyang, China. They will be playing there again next year and at another in Shanghai in 2012.

If you'd like to know more about Wicker Bones and where they'll be playing go here:

www.wickerbones.com (The album is available to download from here for €5 and it's also available on iTunes. I know, iTunes! Exciting!)

http://www.facebook.com/WickerBones (You can also listen to and download the album here.)

A Writer Writes!

2011-11-15T00:29:00.001Z

Last week I was sick, like sicker than I've ever been. I had the flu, and I know most of the time people don't believe you when you announce that you have flu so I even checked my symptoms online and the only thing I didn't have was vomiting and diahrea...diohhrea?...aw, I can never spell it but you get the drift, not everyone gets that anyway. Isn't it wierd how when you're sick you completely forget what it's like to be well, even though you only have the flu and not something really bad. Maybe I'm just a wuss but I think I may have had A REALLY BAD DOSE, it was touch and go there for a minute I'm telling you. Normally the thoughts of staying in bed for a few days sounds like bliss but after a while you kinda feel all gross and sweaty and the fridge is soooo faaar awayyyyy.

I'm better now, in case you were worried. I'm still waiting on the fruit baskets and get well soon cards I just know you all sent.

Anyway, I'm not quite sure what my point was there, possibly yet another apology for being super lazy and not blogging in a while?! I have been busy writing other stuff, A NOVEL in fact! I know, you're all like 'Omg, you're so talented and amazing! Where can I pre-order my copy?!' But don't get too excited there folks, it's for my class. I don't think I told you all about my class so that's what I'm gonna do. It's a one year course out in Maynooth, once a week and so far I'm loving it! One of my assignments is to write a chunk of a novel, I've really been getting into it, I even signed up for that National Novel Writing Month online thinking that I'm so ingenius I could write two novels but it turns out my brain can't concentrate on two stories at a time. Or maybe I'm a one hit wonder, wouldn't surprise me really, story of me life, wha' wha' wha'!

Anyway, I really enjoy writing. I know I did my degree in journalism but that's not the kind if writing I like or am goid at. In reality, trained monkeys can churn out news stories, I even remember a couple of our tutors telling us that you don't even have to be able to spell to be a news reporter so I don't even know why they even have a degree in it. Plus when you examine the news industry it kinda leaves the taste of vomit in your mouth. Even moreso now with the hacking scandal, although I'm not entirely sure we should be so surprised at the depths to which a tabloid rag would sink. My point is, I love writing and I'd love to be able to do it for a living so maybe one day I'll complete this novel, you never know. I just hope I get to do something I like as a job, I worked at something I hated for long enough. Life's too short to be miserable and sad every day isn't it?

Item of the Week No. 16

2011-10-29T18:42:00.001+01:00

This week's Item of the Week is a blog but I would also like to point out how fabulous the Internet is because without it we wouldn't have this fabulous blog, right?! (Or my fabulous blog for that matter, agreed? ......Ahem, well, moving swiftly on...) It's all one big circle of technology and eye candy really. That's the real purpose of the internet: eye candy. And porn but we're all civilised people here and we don't talk about that. Anyway, you have to check out this blog, My Dageurreotype Boyfriend. It's just great! Remember that spooky old photo of the guy who looked the SPIT of Nicolas Cage? May I present to you, Josh Hartnett. (I'm really sorry, I don't know how to repost from Tumblr!!!) Here's a picture of Josh Hartnett to compare. Or drool over. Whatever takes your fancy.

You know what's kinda funny? The old photo is of an Irish political prisoner from Mountjoy Jail in Dublin and he looks a little rough round the edges if you don't mind my saying so. But if you look at the picture of ACTUAL Josh Hartnett doesn't he look a bit like he's kinda saying "HERE YEW! DONCHEW BE BLEEDIN' LOOKIN' AT ME LOIKE DAH OR I'LL BLEEDIN' BAAAAAAAATE YE!" Or not.

Item of the Week No. 15

2011-10-18T23:32:00.002+01:00

Pavlova.

Yes, this week's item of the week is that sweet, sweet cloud of happiness, pavlova. Like I needed another vice. Woe is me. The picture above is my first attempt at pavlova which turned out surprisingly well if I do say so myself. It's not terribly pretty, I would say it looks a bit like Eton Mess but it looks more like Eton Threw Up. It's very tasty though and amazingly enough is just the right texture. I can see why it's named after a ballerina. Pavlova is so sweet and delicious yet so light and fluffy and good for you (fruit AND calcium AND protein, where else would you get it?!). It's a graceful dessert, dancing on your tongue, all the way down to your belly.

NOM.

The Never Ending Quest

2011-10-06T02:35:00.002+01:00

I sat down about 2 hours ago to write a blog post and now here I am only starting to write but with a marginally improved iTunes library. Christ, it's like crack and crystal meth rolled in chocolate. I cannot get enough of my iTunes library, no matter how fucking infuriating it can be at times and no matter how back breaking it is being hunched over my laptop in a mission to find out EXACTLY when that song was released. You know what I mean. Don't you?

Just me?

Oh, ok then. I thought all you cool hipsters and computer geeks out there would also be on this quest but I guess maybe I'm a bit special.

I don't know what it is but every now and then I get seized by a compulsion to have THE PERFECT ITUNES LIBRARY.

Now, let's be clear here, I'm not talking musical perfection because that, my friends is a matter of taste. YOU may not like my kinda music but I'm telling you there will come a day when someone will say "God, I'd love to hear that song from when I was a young un. It was called Boom Boom Boom Boom by the Vengaboys."

Do you know what my reply will be?

It will be "Wish granted" and the fakey electronic tones of two gay lads and a couple of transsexuals will ring out from my laptop and that person will thank me from the bottom of their heart. That day will come people, oh yes, it will come.

As I was saying, I'm not talking perfection in terms of musicality or anything (although I would like to point out not only do I have a shitload of 90's pop in my library, I also have the obligatory classics; The Beatles, Leonard Cohen...I don't know who else but I'm telling you I have some classic choons on there), I'm talking in terms of information and pictures and stuff. Like making sure each song is in the right genre and has the right year of release etc, etc. I know it's a bit mad but if I want to listen to a few classics from 1991, I want to make sure I get all the right stuff and not some pretender from 1990 trying to squeeze itself in there. It's a quest that will probably never end since my iTunes library is expanding, much like the universe and as I become preoccupied with new stuff, old stuff gets put aside. And then inevitably some technological issue will occur that will wipe out loads of my music. There's always something, isn't there? Damn technology and it's glitches.

Unfortunately Apple also clearly doesn't like my plans as it has wiped photos and swapped names on several occasion causing me to have a mini nervous breakdown when I discover these things. Usually on the bus. Damn you Apple. Now I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN, Are you happy, Apple? Is it not enough that you have consumed endless hours of my life and sucked money from me like some sort of money vampire as I browse through the iTunes store?!You like to see me cry, don't you Apple? Don't you?!

Yeah, I need a job.

While I'm on the topic of jobs and Apple, I would like to say RIP Steve Jobs because it's 2am and I just saw on Twitter that he passed away. As much as iTunes frustrates me, I love it dearly and I love my iPhone and I covet all other things Apple. Without Steve maybe the world wouldn't have such cool accessories. And an app that makes your voice go all squeeky.

Anyway, one day my iTunes library will be perfect, or at least as perfect as it'll ever be since it'll never be full because it can never know all the music that is yet to come. Oooh, I like that. You can quote me on that when I'm famous. Man, I am gooooood.

It's a Dog's Life

2011-09-24T14:16:00.000+01:00

I have been settling nicely into a life of domestic bliss lately. By bliss I mean having mini strokes everytime my boyfriend folds something wrong/cooks something wrong/puts something in the wrong place. Men. They just don't get it. Like really don't get it. They don't get that you can't just hang up the clothes in a ball straight from the washing machine. You have to shake them out first!!! He also does the man thing where he can't find anything. Like this...

Him: Where's the screwdriver?

Me: In the kitchen in one of the drawers.

Him: (opens one drawer) I can't find it.

Me: Try the middle drawer.

Him: (opens another drawer) Still can't find it.

Me: (starting to feel a bit stabby now) It's in one of them, just check them all.

Him: No, still can't find it.

Me: (walking into kitchen and looking in drawers and finding screwdriver) Here! Here's the fucking screwdriver! In the poxy drawer where you put it!!!!!

Him: Calm down.

Wtf?! WTF?! If there's anything that makes my blood boil it's telling me to calm down when I've just had to do EVERYTHING he's incapable of doing. Men. Gah!

I've also been getting used to having a dog around the place. I have to admit I love her to bits but she's alot more work than a cat. She requires so much attention and she cries when we're not basking in her glory. Personally, I think she has to get used to the fact that we have other things to do and can't spend every minute of every day playing with her. The man, of course, has to mollycoddle her and pander to her every whinge. Which is fine if he wants to spend all his time with her but I am a bit of a cat myself and require solitude and quiet time every day. Anyway, having a dog can be fun and it's pretty good exercise, if you can get her to walk outside the house, which is a mammoth task some days. This week we took her to the beach and on a forest walk. I love the beach. Love love love it. I love the air and the sand and the water and not matter how cold it is there's a little part of me tthat wants to go for a swim. That comes from a childhood of summers spent in the Irish sea, I've built up an immunity to the chill. I love that satisfying feeling you get from putting on your clothes again after being in the sea and you get all toasty again but you feel refreshed and your skin feels all exfoliated and smooth. Love it! Plus don't you always sleep better after a day at the beach?! Here's the Scullmeister enjoying her first trip to the beach:

Eating sand. As you do.

That's me in the water with the pale pasty legs. Whaddya gonna do, I'm Irish! I'm wearing wellies but there was actually a hole in them so I got soaked. Should have brought my togs, I totally would have gone in for a swim!

She learned to swim! Yay! She's so cute!

Exciting News!

2011-08-26T15:43:00.000+01:00

So once again I find myself apologising for my lengthy absence but I have had alot going on and at times it felt like my brain was constantly occupied with something and I couldn't squeeze blogging into all that stuff. Where shall I start?

First of all, I moved out of my parents house and in with my boyfriend. I apprieciate that if I was on an episode of 90210 this would probably be an epically big deal in terms of taking the "next step" with my boyfriend and blah blah blah but it's not really like that. We've been together for nearly six years so moving in with him is not a majorly big deal other than the fact that I'm discovering all the things that make him EXACTLY like every other man on the planet when actually I thought he was more sensitive, different etc, etc. No, he's just a normal man who doesn't know how to hang out clothes/cook/put the toilet seat down/let me watch crap TV. So far things have been good although I miss the homeyness of my family home and I miss having carpets, my new house seems chilly all the time. And I hate my couch. We haven't had a fight and so far money has stretched reasonably but if I don't get a job I dunno what the hell I'm gonna do for Christmas presents. Oh, we're just renting a house out in Tallaght. I know, I know, I have become a Tallafornian, it's gonna take some time to adjust.

We also got a dog.

Yeah, that was probably the biggest surprise of all. Even though I now have a dog, I still don't consider myself a dog person. Despite the fact that she's adorable, a little part of me feels like I'm betraying a part of who I am, denying the cat lady inside of me and you know what keeps popping into my head? The very end of that film The War of the Roses with Michael douglas and Kathleen Turner, the one with the husband and wife trying to kill each other? The end of that movie has a little moral..."Cat people should never marry dog people." Isn't that so true?! It's simple but true, like a chinese proverb or something. Occasionally when I'm playing with the dog I suddenly remember that movie and that moral and I get a really ominous feeling. The dog's still cute though. We called her Scully after my dead cat who in turn was named after the FBI agent because he was orange. It's a good pet name I think, don't you?

I've also been doing a night course in Manual Accounts and Payroll in the hope that upskilling will incarese my employment prospects. I thought it was just gonna be like a short introduction course to give me the basic skills but it's a five week long course, 3 days a week, 4 hours a day. Yep you heard me. And the icing on the cake? I have 6 exams! SIX! I tell you, we were all pretty stunned when that was announced. I've done two already and the first one was apparently the longest and the worst so hopefully I'll be ok for the rest. Outside of the exam part I like it, I've always been crap at maths but the satisfaction you feel when your books balance is well...very satisfying; I can't help but wonder if I was an accountant in a former life. Night classes are always good for meeting new people too, although it does have it's fair share of aul wans too. Like really, do not come to a night class in accounting if you can't even follow what fucking page we're on. I know you kinda have to do these FAS courses when you're on the dole but can't they have like flower arranging for aul wans or something because accounting is WAAAAAY out of their league.

I sprained my ankle. Maybe not in an official capacity but it fucking hurt. I literally stepped out into the garden and BAM! Went over on my ankle, collapsed on the decking in AGONY, my friends, AGONY and now, 11 days later it still hurts. The swelling has gone down but it feels like it's bruised on the inside or something.

I also had a pretty good social life over the past few weeks. Everything always happens at once doesn't it? The minute I have zero money, everyone wants to go out for a drink. Wtf?! I've been pretty good though, getting the ol' public transport home and only having one or two drinks. Not that I've had a choice, the cost of living here is not cheap my friends. Anyway, I was out in the Wright Venue in Swords for my friend Ciara's birthday, that was pretty cool. We even stayed out there in the Premier Inn next door like the classy birds that we are. It's nice to go to new places, Dublin is seriously lacking in a nightclub that has been done up in the past ten years/isn't full of SoCoDu knobheads. The Wright Venue has 3 floors and two dance floors and these cool private rooms that look down onto one of the dancefloors. Epic. Ugh, that sounded way less pervy in my head. We had a good time anyway.

My friend Irene moved to The Netherlands. Boo! Personally I think she should have stayed here and become and unemployed bum like me but she got like a dream job or whatever. Damn her! I shall have to be a bum on my own. On the plus side I now have somewhere to stay when I want a cheapo holiday. Score!

That's all my exciting news at the moment, we shall resume normal blogging next time! Whenever that may be!

Goodbye Belgium. For now.

2011-08-01T14:07:00.000+01:00

This weekend my parents moved home from Belgium. (I've written about Belgium a few times at this stage but if you want a recap you can do so here, here, here, here, here and here. I hope all of those links worked and that I put all the Belgian posts in because sometimes I'm a bit brutal at tagging my posts.) Anywaaaaaaay, yes, my parents moved home so I no longer have a place to escape to for free. Sad face :( My last trip to Belgium was in May and I kinda thought I was pretty much done with the place, that I had seen it all and I was time to go see some other places. But then my mam brought me home this:

A delicious bottle of Kriek. St. Louis Kriek, which is one of the better brands of fruit beers. One sip of this gorgeous beverage and I was instantly transported back to lazy days sipping beer in a cafe on the Grand Place. I was reminded of Christmas markets and strawberries dipped in chocolate and Belgian waffles and Antoines chips. And now I'm gutted I won't be able to go over whenever I want to.

In the photo you can also see in the background a little figurine of a girl. My mam got me that in the market in Place Balle de Jeu....Jeu de Balle..I can't spell it. Anyway, this market is brilliant. Not like the fucking shitty markets you get in Ireland, five pairs of knickers for a euro or something. No, this market is infinitely cooler and is basically made up of bric a brac and you can buy anything. ANYTHING. Ever wondered what happens to the clothes you throw in the clothes bank? They probably end up here. Ever wondered where your stolen mobile phone ended up? Probably here. Feel like playing a GameBoy from 1992? You can probably pick one up here. You name it you can probably buy it. Broke one of your mother's crystal wine glasses? You could probably find a replacement here. But it doesn't just sell stuff that looks like it was robbed, it also has loads of old antiques and ornaments and pictures and silverware and all manner of other cool stuff. You could buy a bed. Or a power cable for your laptop. Or old records. Or old postcards and photos. I came across a set of porcelain boxes with black and white pictures of naked women on them, they looked like they were form the 20s or something and I was gonna buy them because of their kitschy irony but then I chickened out in case people thought it was a bit wierd. Which I guess they were but still, could have got me on Antiques Roadshow. I could be famous by now. Except I'm a chicken.

My little figurine is, I think, from a collection of souvenirs from Normandy from the olden days. Cool right?! Olden days stuff is way cool. WAY COOL, man. Unfortunately, I never actually bought anything there myself because I was so overwhelmed with choice that my brain simply could not choose. Plus, I was slightly intimidated by the Romas who ran it and also, I was with my boyf every time and sometimes boys do not appreciate or understand the need to purchase boxes with pictures of old fashioned naked ladies on them. I only wish I had found this place sooner. I only discovered it when I was there in September, doing my comic murals walk I came across it. I could have acummulated four years worth of second hand knick knacks.

If anyone of you is thinking of going on a city break I cannot recommend Brussels more. Brussels has a rep of being the most boring city in Europe but boring is the wrong word. Relaxed is the word you're looking for. Extremely relaxed. You may have to beg to get served dinner. But it'd be a damn good dinner. There's plenty of cool stuff to go and see like the Atomium and you can get a train to Bruges or Ostend or Ghent for the day. You can eat waffles and beef stew and chicken stew and rabbit stew if you fancy. You also have to go to this market, if you love antiquey things or quirky things this is the place to go. It's in an area with loads of antique shops too so you can have a look in them if you fancy. Word of warning though, Belgian customer service is brutal. BRUTAL. It's pretty much non-existent, the extreme end of their laid back relaxed personalities I'm afraid. I came across a shop full of cat things. Literally an entire shop made up of things shaped like cats. OF COURSE I had to look. So I looked in the window and then I went inside to have a peek and the woman in the shop was all "How can I help?" and I'm all "Oh I just want to have a look around" and she's all "Are you looking for anything in particular?" and I'm like "Well no, I just want to see if I see something" and she's all "Well look in the window then" and kicked me out! Not impressed. I dunno how they stay in business. Anyhoo, Ireland is in desperate need of a cool funky market like this where, crucially, everything doesn't cost an arm and a leg but is still an excellent item. God, Ireland is so expensive. It's really pissing me off right now. But alas I'm stuck here for the time being with no coold markets or fruit beers or waffles. Woe is me.

Item of the Week No. 14

2011-07-25T14:14:00.000+01:00

This week's item is pretty much a miracle in a bottle. For me anyway. It's Tea Tree Water from Lush.

I've probably told you before that I have super sensitive skin, sometimes. I just get these really wierd breakouts that are almost like a rash and they just appear out of nowhere, like ninjas. I kinda sorta have a vague idea of what causes them and I've cut out all the crappy lotions and potions and have switched to some pricer stuff that my boyf got me, so far they're going good so hopefully I can afford to replace them when I run out! Sometimes though I do get a random attack and when I do this helps calm it down and clear it:

This has turned major breakouts into minor ones many a time! I also used to use it as a toner, I think it helps just keep my skin clear plus it's super refreshing when you spray it on first thing in the morning. When you're on holidays too it's great for cooling you down and I think it helps sunburn too because it's so refreshing and doesn't tea tree help heal?

Anyway, you can buy it in Lush and it comes in 2 sizes. I think the small bottle is around €7 and the large is around €17. They are pricey but they do work wonders. I love Lush, despite the stalker-ish qualities of their staff. They get all up close and personal with you and make you feel loved and then they charge you an arm and a leg for a giant disprin. I still love it though, I can't help it, the bath bombs are so luxurious! I also recently discovered their Bubblegum Sugar Lip Scrub:

I never thought my lips needed scrubbing but this stuff is so tasty I'm using it all the time!

A Few Thoughts on Amy Winehouse

2011-07-23T23:18:00.000+01:00

Ok, normally I don't like to really express what I'm really thinking in case I come across as mean. In my head and with my friends I say what I want I and I can be mean and bitchy about everything but on here...I dunno, I don't feel like my opinions and thoughts are good enough/smart enough for me to voice them here. Also, some bloggers come across as mean just for the sake of being mean, y'know? And I don't want to do that. But anyway, it's my blog, I need to start saying what I really think. But I'm just too nice y'know?! I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings!

But today, I have to say something because the splurge of grief and sadness that has spewed up on Facebook in the, ooh, five or whatever hours since Amy Winehouse has died is totally fucking ridiculous.

A 27 year old junkie who quite obviously didn't give a flying fuck about herself and certainly didn't deign to think about how her habits were affecting those around her, died. Most likely from the absolutely disgusting abuse she put her body through. She had what? One album? A few hits? And everyone is going on about how such a great talent has been lost, blah. blah blah. Wtf?! 27 year old junkies die on the streets of Dublin, London, New York, every city in the world every day and we walk by with disgust because we don't want their addiction and issues to contaminate us. But just because this one could just about hold a note when she was sober enough to stand up straight and sing, you all fall over yourselves with grief? Was it Stalin who said one death is a tragedy but one million is just a statistic? In this case he was wrong. 92 people were killed by a psycho in Norway. THAT is a tragedy. Young people who were active in their community, interested in the world around them were shot by someone who was as equally uninterested in bettering themselves or society as Amy Winehouse.

I know that when a celebrity dies we all kinda get a shock because they're famous and they're in your face all the time and when they die it's just odd because you almost feel like theyore invincible. But did any of you even think about Amy this week? Did you put on your status "Oh gee, I hope Amy Winehouse gets herself together soon."? Probably not. In fact the last time I saw her on the news was a couple of weeks ago when she was filmed on stage totally off her face and falling all over the place. You know what I thought? Dead by the end of the year. And you probably did too.

Yes, it is terrible for Amy's family that they lost a daughter/sister/niece/cousin but is she gave a shit about them she would have stopped. But she didn't and she died and the only person who is responsible is dead. All you people who think it's awful should spare more thoughts for those people who had to scramble for their lives on Friday. Who ran into the water to get away from someone who was shooting at them. They are still fishing bodies out of the water.

This is just my opionion and you know what they say about opinions...

Aul Wans Part Deux

2011-07-22T14:54:00.000+01:00

Today I was very healthy and sporty, I got up and went out for a walk. Before breakfast! I know, crazy right?! The sun was kind of shining and I had my ipod on, listening to some choons, all was right with the world. I had to stop off at the shop on the way back to get some butter and cat food and while there a lovely lady gave me a taste of some mushroom soup which unfortunately I couldn't afford because I only brought €5 with me.

(It's so annoying going for a walk sometimes because I have no pockets in my tracksuit bottoms and so I put the fiver in the back of my phone. I need some sort of walking purse holder thing. But not a bag because they bang off your leg. Not a bum bag either because I'm not a tourist.)

Anyway, so I hop on the express queue where there's a lady finishing up but I notice there's a loaf of bread and some milk and it sends a chill down my spine. Because OF COURSE an aul wan has left it there while she runs off do to a bit more shopping, and here she is running back with her fucking shop brand jam that she conveiently forgot. So anyway, since I'm all zen like and relaxed from my sunshine filled walk I simply glare and the back of her head for a few seconds and then turn back to looking at the Chuppa Chumps lollipops, trying to decide if it'd be too much of a hassle to eat one with braces. Then I hear:

"Can I have twenty euro credit for a nokia phone aswell, love." Silence descends over the area as we all try to digest what she just said.But yep, that's EXACTLY what she said and I knew then and there this was not going to be a simple transaction. So the woman on the till quite rightly asks:

"What network are you?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know your phone number?"

"No."

"Are you 085, 086 or 087?"

"I don't know. Can you not tell just by looking at the phone?"

It's at this point that my zen-like status has completely vanished and the woman on the till is wondering what exactly she did in a previous life to deserve this, so she calls over to two colleagues who are at the help desk and gives them a look that pretty much says 'I'm going to kill this bleedin aul wan' and says (in that way that all shop people speak when their customer is being a knob and they have to pretend to be helpful; if you work in a shop you know what I mean!):

"Do either of you know what kind of credit goes into a nokia phone?"

And of course the two colleagues are equally as shocked by this aul wan's complete ignorance so they ask her to ring their phone and they can see what number comes up.

Can she make a call? Of course not.

When the shop person makes the call, what does it come up as?... You've guessed it! Private number!

The original till woman is serving me at this stage having realised what a knob this aul wan is and as I'm leaving they're telling her to go home and check the box or something and in typical aul wan behaviour she's getting annoyed at THEM!

"Well, I don't want to come all the way back down. I don't know what the problem is, I get credit here all the time."

I had to leave before I had an aneurysm.

What really gets me is that women like this have managed to live to be 50/60/70 years old. They have kids and grand kids! They lived through possibly one World War, a fuel crises, recession and the utter bleak and depressing landscape of pre-modern Ireland! How, HOW in God's name do they get like this?! I may have to start a whole new blog purely for the observation and mocking of aul wans. I think it could work.

End of an Era

2011-07-14T19:40:00.000+01:00

Tonight I'm going to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (try saying that three times fast!) over in Liffey Valley. There is no explaining all the emotions I am feeling right now. Sadness that it's ending. Happiness that it's all coming to an end and Voldemort will get what's coming to him. Nostalgic for all the times I've gone to see these movies. Pure terror at the thought that when the first one came out I was so much younger and had my whole life ahead of me... Suffice to say, it's a bit of a rollercoaster. To make it all even more emotional I am bringing my two cousins along, the very same cousins I brought to see the first one. I think I brought the two of them...maybe it was just one of them? Anyhoo, I brough someone who was a child in an attempt to cover up my desperate need to see the film without looking like a big child myself. I remember buying them the little kiddie popcorn with the box of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans. Aw, bless. It's a bucket of popcorn and a large coke these days! They grow up so fast... Anyway, I can't quite believe it's been eleven years.

What really bugged me though is when I was booking the tickets. There's like six or seven showings of it in 3D but only three in the normal 2D. This whole 3D thing is just getting ridiculous, I am so over it! It's such a con, you pay extra money to wear those stupid glasses and watch a film that's been shot purely to have stuff jump out at the audience. And have you ever noticed the colour of 3D films is like, duller than normal? It's like looking at the screen through a dirty window, like on a bus on a really wet day and all the downstairs windows are mucky. How the hell is that better?! I mean, I love Harry Potter and all the movies but I really don't want to see a constipated protagonist, a gormless redhead and Emma Watson's Amazing Acting Eyebrows jumping out of the screen at me. What ever happened to just telling the frickin' story without having to factor in shots of stuff lunging at the screen. On top of that, by the end of the film the 3D effect has actually worn off; you've become de-sensitised to the whole thing after the first half hour so all that money and looking like a knob was for nothing!

In honour of my trip to see Harry Potter I decided to make fairy cakes with something Harry Potter-ish on them. the only thing I was capable of making however was school ties in the Gryffindor colours, because a) I've never actually made a cake decoration and b) I only had red and yellow icing. They're not exactly masterpieces but I'm sure they taste damn good...

Now I'm afraid I have to go, my cat just brought in a dead bird and laid it at my feet...

Commenting Update

2011-07-13T22:59:00.000+01:00

Ok, so here's the dealio. It seems some of you can comment and some of you can't and my genius boyfriend reckons it could be something to do with Internet Explorer. So, for those of you who would like to comment but can't you can either download a different internet browser (Mozilla Firefox or Google Chrome) and use that instead of Internet Explorer, or you'll have to delete your cookies. It sounds like something kinky but alas, it's not that exciting! To delete your cookies you need to click on TOOLS in the bar above your internet page. If you have a recent version of Internet Explorer then DELETE BROWSER HISTORY will be the first thing you see on the list so click on that. When the little box pops up make sure the little box beside COOKIES is ticked and then press delete. If you have an older version of Internet Explorer then you may have to click INTERNET OPTIONS and you'll have to have to look under all the tabs to find DELETE BROWSER HISTORY. I hope that helps whoever wants to comment. I've tried commenting myself and I can't see any problems from my end, so these are the best solutions I can find. I hope it helps.

Being a Bum

2011-07-10T15:24:00.001+01:00

So I'm into week four of being unemployed and the lack of money is only really kicking in now. I mean, €188 is actually a pretty decent amount of money... if food didn't cost so much. Wtf?! No wonder poor people are fat! If I want to make the most of my money the McDonald's Eurosaver menu is about all I can afford! Fresh fruit and vegetables are luxuries only the rich and famous can afford my friends. It's goodbye healthy complexion, hello scurvy when you're unemployed.

Looking for a job is intensely soul destroying. It's like sending your CV into a black hole because very few employers reply and I guess I can't blame them because they probably get hundreds of CVs for every job that's advertised and you can't reply to everyone; that way lies madness. It would be nice though, to know they got it in the first place. I'm either really shit at applying for jobs or I'm just really shit and unemployable in general. Maybe I'm not good on paper. Some people just aren't. I dunno, it's so frustrating trying to make yourself sound amazing in your cover letter and putting in all this effort and then nothing. It's like the aftermath of a first date; waiting for a call and then waiting some more and then more and then finally your drown yourself in a vat of ice cream when you realise...he ain't calling. And so you're left alone again, naturally. Surviving on a diet of €1 chicken nuggets and hope. Maybe one day the economy will get better and everything will be better.
I have attempted to support myself by setting up an Etsy shop where I'm attempting to sell handmade cards made by my fabulous self. I also intend to sell a few knitted items of amazingness. You can have a peek here if you fancy, let me know what you think. It's kind of a work in progress because I still have stuff I'm not sure will sell. Considering I've only made one sale maybe none of it will! Oh well, nothing ventured nothing gained! Oooh, you should also try commenting on my blog and let me know if you're actually able to do it because I still don't know if I've managed to sort that problem out.

Random Crushes are So...Random...

2011-07-04T18:27:00.001+01:00

I have decided to share with you my latest crush because well it's kinda creeped up on me out of nowhere and now I pretty much think about him ALL THE TIME. I have gone from normal person to potential stalker planning the frickin' wedding. I may be putting myself on the line here for endless mockery and judgement but y'know what, I don't care! Because our love is so pure. Or it will be. When he realises how AMAZING I am. I dunnno, maybe I'm not mad, maybe he is a stud but usually I'm on my own for most of my crushes so I'm not expecting a huge sigh of "omigodhessohot" from you guys. Here goes...

Yup, Seth McFarlane, creator of Family Guy and American Dad. I think it's the fact that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Family Guy and American Dad so much that has led me to become obsessed with Seth. I mean, he's funny and smart and look at those cute dimples! Aaagh! Cannot get enough of the guy! He also does the voice of Roger Smith and I ADORE Roger Smith, if I had an alien, I'd want to be EXACTLY like Roger Smith.

Seth is...just...... lovely. And he's smart and he's an advocate for gay marraige which makes him all y'know, sensitive to the needs of others and stuff. Did I mention the dimples! Cute cute cute!

I'm sorry I'm completley incapable of writing actual sentences when I think about him.

I'm thinking of setting up a Twitter account so I can follow him.

So there you have it, Seth McFarlane is my guilty pleasure. And yes, I may have a very VERY long list of guilty men pleasures but he is right at the top at the moment and it will take alot to knock him off. Seth McFarlane I love you and want to have your babies and bake cakes for you forever and EVER! We'll figure out what to do with my boyfriend when you call me. Call me!

Karma, You Bitch!

2011-06-26T21:02:00.000+01:00

Isn't it wierd how things can change in a matter of hours?! Last week I was on a kind of high I guess. I saw Take That, woo! I finished in my job, which although was sad the nice big severance payment made up for it. Then I quit the job I was doing temporarily because it was a joke and I felt all empowered and in control and felt like y'know, I deserve something better than what they were offering. So then I had an appointment with FAS about my lack of a job and what I was gonna do about it and that felt very positive because it resulted in me signing up for a course in accounts and payroll which would help in the ol' job stakes. So all in all things were going well. So then on Thursday I met up with my lovely friend Irene and we went for dinner and went to see the fabulous Bridesmaids. (Hilarious!)

There, naturally, the good stuff ends I'm afraid because the universe decided that was too much happiness for one person, namely me because when I got back to my car on Thursday after the movie... clamped. €80 down and had to wait in one of the dodgiest areas in town for the de-clampers to come. The fun doesn't stop there folks. On Thursday morning I woke up with a pain in my eye, kinda like a really focussed headache around my right eye. I managed to get through the day but as the day wore on, the more I used my eye the sorer it got so on Friday morning I went to the doctor and he was pretty miffed so he sent me to the Eye and Ear hospital. There I had a glorious four hour wait only to be told they think it might be cluster headaches which I don't quite believe because they come and go and I've pretty much had a constant pain since Thursday morning. They just sent me on my merry way and told me to keep taking painkillers.

SO THEN on Saturday I organised drinks for the people I work with, y'know so we could all go out and have one last hurrah and only three people came! So that sucked. I still had a good night though, any night out that ends in eating a Charlie's is a good night in my book. I'd murder a chinese right now actually... Anyway, so the last few days have been spent in a haze of pain and drowsiness thanks to painkillers but I have managed to purchase a brand spankin' new laptop for myself since it'll probably be a while before I can afford to upgrade again. I also was very bold and booked a spa weekend in The Hodson Bay for myself and the boyfriend. That's it though, the rest of my money is in the Credit Union and is untouchable, from here on in I'm living on noodles and bread! Unemployment has never seemed so attractive! Let's hope nothing else happens to me in the meantime!

Cool Stuff I Saw On My Holidays

2011-06-22T23:23:00.001+01:00

Apologies once again for my lengthy absence folks. My life has been in an emotional upheaval of late and I have been struck by writers block as a result! Last week I got a temporary new job, left my old job AND saw Take That in concert for the first time in my life so I'm sure you all understand how emotional and traumatic that can be! The new job was a joke so I left after four days. It was only for two weeks anyway and I was getting a pain in my arse being left to sit in a corner because no one knew what to do with me. I decided instead to keep my FAS appointment where I signed up for a course which will hopefully increase my job prospects. I have also decided to go a little crazy and open up a shop on http://www.etsy.com/ and sell handmade cards and knitted things. I figured since I'm pretty much happy sitting around making cards and knitting all day, I might aswell make a bit of money off them! I'm still uploading stuff so as soon as it's done I will let you know where to find it.

I took a severance package from my old job because I needed a change but that doesn't stop me from being devastated at leaving. I've been there for TWELVE years, I pretty much grew up there and it was really hard leaving and knowing I won't be going through those "Staff Only" doors again.

Then there was Take That. WOW, is all I can say. They were frickin' amazing!!!! Omg, the whole show was fantastic and then with Robbie back in the mix it was just so so good. I want to marry all of them.

Anyway, today's post is just going to be a picture blog since I'm still a little bit writer's blocked. Enjoy!

First up we've got Belgium, possibly my last trip before my dad moves home. Very sad, I'l miss it alot even though I've pretty much done it to death. It's a very relaxing place, if a little frustrating sometimes!

Aw, the Mannekin Pis, I'll miss him the most. This one I found in one of the galleries near Grand Place. Yes, he is peeing chocolate.

This was the Africa museum, this building was pretty much built purely to house all the stuff the Belgians pillaged from Africa. I mean "borrowed".

I was quite excited about this. It's a lamp made from the plastic thingys your contact lenses come in. I know, AMAZEBALLS. I'm TOTALLY gonna make one. Totally.

Bruges.

Swans, in Bruges!

A sink with goldfish in it! I want I want I want!!!! I found this in Bruges.

Peach beer, yum!

Ok, so technically I've never been to actual Holland but Bruges is in the flemish part of Belgium and they speak Dutch so, y'know.... they had them in a shop and I had to have them. They're really snug and comfy if you must know.

Finally found the pub with the skeleton in the window....

...And drank beer from a skull....

...On a table made from a coffin. So cool!

Art Nouveau House, Brussels.

Next up was London:

The Cabinet War Rooms, this was one of my favourites. It's like this big underground set of rooms and tunnels where Churchill and the cabinet and their staff all stayed during bombing in the Second World War.

No, I didn't go up in it because I don't have a great head for heights but my boyfriend wouldn't even go up with me if I'd even wanted to :(

Me and Robbie. Besties.

The Science Museum, oooooh!

This might not look interesting but it's cool because it' actually a department store and it's in this really cool Tudor style building and it's all wooden decor inside. It's like travelling back in time to do your shopping! They sell like fabrics and carpets and wool and stuff. I could live in it.

Nom. Outrageously expensive but nom.

HMS Belfast

More underground stuff. Underground stuff is kind of fascinating.

So that was my holiday. I learned one major important thing: avoid city/sightseeing holidays if you want to have nice happy clappy relationship. Lesson Learned, my friends, lesson learned.

Reasons Why Travelling Sucks Monkey Balls

2011-06-04T16:46:00.000+01:00

Hey there groovy people! Did I get your attention?!

I apologise for yet another lengthy absence. I have been travelling the world, seeing all sorts of wonders and things of amazement! Well, I spent four days in Brussels and four days in London. Exciting but not terribly exotic or anything. I did have a pre-travel blog all written out for you to let you know where I was and all but my iphone app refused to post it no matter how many times I tried the "retry" button so I gave up. AND despite the fact that I wasn't travelling to the moon, internet surfing on my iphone is RIDICULOUSLY expensive and/or the phone/internet/wi fi signals in other countries suck. Particularly in London, which was surprising. Anyhoo, I will tell you all about the cool stuff I did next time, today it's time for a rant. Just because.

I may have told you before but I dislike travelling alot. I like visiting other countries but I hate the actual getting to and from said countries. Here's why:

As previously mentioned, internet signals suck in other countries and I miss Facebook and Gmail and being able to post amusing pictures of amusing sights to entertain you fine folk. For example I wanted to post you pictures of the two most amusing metro stations (Kunst Wet in Brussels and Cockfosters in London) but when you're home the joke has passed and you look immature;
Meteor charge €10.24 per MB downloaded if you do manage to get a 3G signal. WTF?!
Aul wans - there is an extra high proportion of aul wans in airports and somehow airports manage to intensify aul wan traits such as walking as slooooooooowly as possible, wearing beige, skipping queues, looking annoyed at anyone who crosses their path and generally getting in the way;
Travelling makes me feel sick. I have managed to feel sick on pretty much every mode of transport invented except when I'm driving. In London, we went on the HMS Belfast which is a big ship in the Thames and is welded to a dock and doesn't move. Well I felt it move alright?! My internal wobble radar felt it move! I didn't puke but it was touch and go there for a bit. In fact I'm still getting a bit vertigo-y.
The smell of diesel at the airport. Could there be a more claustrophobic and stomach churning smell in the world?!
Having to get to and from the airport. These days getting a taxi is almost a dirty word because you're pretty much admitting defeat and people think you're lazy and have no concept of money for, God forbid, wanting to arrive at your destination without having a stroke. You're expected to be only thrilled to be lugging a suitcase and a handbag around on public transport. Damn you society and your judgemental eyes! When I am rich I will make tou carry me around in a litter!
Touristy stuff ain't cheap. Everyone's alway going on about soaking up other cultures and finding out about other people and I do like a good museum but you'd want to be pretty minted to be soaking up some cultures. Museums are a license to print money. Maybe I'll open one. The Museum of Cows. It's not that insane, there's a Leprechaun Museum in Dublin and they don't even exist and they charge like €15 to get in!
All that security crap is starting to bug me. My bra always sets off the scanner thing and so they have to do an ol' pat down, do they think I have an AK 47 up there or something?! My boobs are big but jeez...
Flying is like so anti-comfortable. It's whole mission is to make you feel cramped and icky; the plane itself has no air and then the seats are all squished up together and the toilets totally freak me out. I kinda have a thing about loud noises, it's why I don't like hoovering or mowing the lawn and when I was little I couldn't turn my back on a flushing toilet for fear of ...I'm not sure exactly but something bad anyway. (I know, I know... I probably need some kind of therapy....) But the airplane toilet is even worse! It's louder and it' got sucktion...suction? suckshon?! Wtf?! Brain not working...anyhoo, you better not let your ass cheeks anywhere near that vacuum.
Goddamn weight restrictions. We're in a recession, people are supposed to be shopping BUT I am restricted in my shopping by how much stuff I can bring home! AND I bought a bottle of True Blood in London and I had to drink it before we left because of the liquid restriction. It was actually REALLY tasty but would've been tastier with ice in a glass in my back garden. But no I had to drink it in my hotel, from the bottle, like some common urchin.

In short, I am so happy to be home and surrounded by familiar things and shops and people. Although I do like hotels, I dunno why. I like the neatness of a hotel room and how the bedsheets are so fresh and crisp. And air conditioning. Praise the Lord for air conditioning.

Item of the Week No. 13

2011-06-01T20:33:00.000+01:00

This week's Item of the Week is not only a shop (and shops are very exciting no matter what boyfriends may or may not think) but it also donates the proceeds of it's sales to charity. That charity is in fact the Irish government and we all know what dire straits they're in so, go on, do your good deed for the day and check it out:

keep going sure it's grand

A Visit From Queenie

2011-05-19T15:02:00.000+01:00

As you may know, I have a bit of an interest in the royal family. Ok, fine...Hello! is my bible and I drink up anything to do with them like a junkie dying for a fix. Happy now?! They just fascinate me but if I hadn't been so enamoured with Diana when I was a kid perhaps I wouldn't be in this situation, who knows? Maybe I'd be watch Jersey Shore instead of watching the royal wedding from start to finish. I'm glad I don't watch Jersey Shore, I'd possibly have some sort of aneurysm if I did. Awful, awful people. I despair for the future of humanity.

Anyway, the point is, I'm pretending not to be interested in the Queen's visit because boyf will just rant on and on about how HE disagrees with it, etc, etc; and quite frankly I'm so not interested in hearing him anymore, but honestly the whole thing is so exciting! I think the Queen is great because she's like 85 and she's still going strong and yes, she has lived quite a gilded life and not a hard day's work in her life and all that jazz, but in fairness to her 85 years of making small talk with strangers is pretty impressive. I'm brutal at small talk, it's epically painful and I always end up talking about the weather. The fucking weather, the most boring subject in the world! In short, small talk is not my friend. The Queen however is an expert at talking to people and asking them interesting relevant and interesting questions - unlike any of the reporters on RTE so far when asking people what the Queen was like. She really does work hard I think, I mean she seems to spend a large portion of time waiting around and standing looking at monuments and inspecting soldiers and that's alot of walking for an 85 year old. I bet she's just thinking "Can't wait to get into one's slippers and have a cup of tea and a crumpet." I bet she eats crumpets. If I was Queen, I'd eat crumpets... God, I'd love a crumpet right now.

And doesn't the Queen have some lovely outfits?! I love all of her little hats, the one she wore in Croker was FAB. And I loved the outfit she wore in the Garden of Remembrance. And don't you just love that she's managed to wear a little bit of green in all of her ourfits?! Excpet for today when she went to the National Stud because clearly you don't want to look like grass when standing in front of a horse. I really like her speech at Dublin Castle too, it was very positive and forward-thinking and then when she said the thing about the clinky glasses, aw, didn't your heart just melt?! She's like your granny really. I bet when William and Harry come for a visit she's all "Shall I get the cook to make you a sandwich?...Ah, you'll have another sandwich, go on...What about a biscuit? Will you have a mineral? How about a brandy? I have Bacardi Breezers in the back?" And then they waddle home having been fed until she's satisfied. That's what grannies are like, it makes them happy to give you food. Grannies are great.

I'm so embarrassed at all those tracksuited yobbos causing trouble the other day. Do they even know what they were fighting for?! They were probably all just hoping to stroke a few more pairs of Nike Air Max since the ones they got in the Love Ulster Parade are probably worn out. Scumbags. Ugh, all they did was make the streets of Dublin a more unpleasant place for the people of Dubline. What good did that serve?! I'm sure they also didn't appreciate the irony of wearing English football jerseys while protesting about the Queen. Morons. Yeah, there, I said it. Morons!

Long story short, I like the Queen and I reckon Prince Philip is a bit of a laugh too. I reckon he was DYING to get stuck into that pint of Guiness. Which reminds me, Ryan Tubridy?! God, who thought it'd be a good idea to have an eejit like him representing the country? Queenie, on behalf of the nation, I apologise.

Lesson Learned

2011-05-16T17:18:00.000+01:00

I'm feeling really sluggish and lazy today. I feel like I have the flu, and not just a wussy winter cold thing, but like the ACTUAL flu that kills people. My arms and legs are knackered and I feel really sleepy and I can't concentrate on anything, not even Gilmore Girls. I also tried giving the under-the-stairs toilet a second coat of paint but I cannot lift my arms above my head so I gave up halfway through. This is a serious situation. I have a theory though, because it's probably not ACTUAL killing flu (but if it is I leave all of my money to...oh wait, I don't have any money!), I think it's actually a super-long hangover and that's even more insulting than flu because a) I didn't even drink that much on Saturday night, b) it's Monday so Saturday's alcohol should be long gone anyway. It has taught me something though. Y'know when you're out and you have work the next day? (Well, most of you don't because you all have lovely weekday jobs. Did I ever tell you how I've been working in a SHOP at WEEKENDS for TWELVE YEARS?!) And normally you're all like "Oh, I won't have another drink because I'm in work tomorrow"and you think you're being good and then you wake up the next morning DYING. That's exactly what happened to me yesterday, I was drinking moderately-ish on Saturday and I was in bed by like 1.30 AND I drank two litres of water and still had to drag myself out of bed and into work yesterday and then after work I was in bed by 9, unable to even hold my head up long enough to watch an episode of American Dad. Wft?!

BUT there's a lesson here people. Don't ever let being in work get in the way of your drinking because being good never pays off, (just like lots of other things in this country; you pay your taxes, they tax you more, you get a job, they cut your pay so you're better off on the dole, you pay a private pension and they decide to use it to fund some crap plan to give people jobs.) You, my friend, are better off simply drinking with wild abandon and going into work still drunk the next day. Have you ever noticed it's when you're being good that you get hungover but when you're being very, very bad and washing it down with a kebab that you feel perfectly fine? Being good never pays off! I hope you enjoyed today's lesson children. Enjoy alcohol responsibly :D

You should all be practicing this so that when my **th birthday party rolls around in November, you'll be able to drink yourself silly and still function like a norm the next day.

Gear Grinding

2011-05-12T18:10:00.000+01:00

A few things have been bugging me lately. And not just mildly bugging, like majorly annoying me and making me want to rip someone's head off. (I have a slight temper, in case you're wondering.)

Suspender look tights. I don't know what it is but these really grind my gears. Maybe I'm getting old, maybe I hate that I'm too fat to wear them, whatever it is, they need to be destroyed, asap. In theory, they look good on slender leggy types but in reality they are worn by teenagers not all of whom are leggy and most of whom end up looking like under-age hookers. The more I think about them the more agitated I'm getting, ugh!

Shoe shopping in the recession. I know it's hard these days and everyone wants to make a sale but I have bought shoes before, in fact usually, when I'm shopping I'm wearing a pair so it's safe to say I know how to ask for my size. I don't need three people to say "give me a shout if you need your size." Piss. Off.

People moaning about the Queen's visit. Did you watch the royal wedding? The answer is most likely yes so shut the fuck up. Do not bang on about how gorgeous Kate's dress was and then tell me you disagree with her granny-in-law visiting us. Newsflash: you're a hypocrite. The woman is like, 85, if she's anything like my granny she's happy to have a couple of day trips and then a few G&Ts after dinner. Leave her alone!

Job hunting. Ok, so this has been a MAJOR problem for me for a while now but I think my brain has finally fried and given up. I don't care anymore. Why should I? I'm clearly not good enough - NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT TIMING OR THE RECESSION - so what's the point. I am in fact an EPIC FAIL.

Braces. Ok, so I know they'll be worth it in the end and it's all my own doing but I miss eating popcorn. Well, ok, I miss eating popcorn without finding it in my teeth three days later. I also miss jellies, hard boiled sweets and anything chewy. I better be a total hottie by the time I'm finished.

Weight Watchers. Again, my own choice but with a belly that jiggles hypnotically (like a lava lamp...) I don't have much of a choice but the new ProPoint thing is REALLY hard. My favourite breakfast from the fast start book (smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel with cherry tomatoes - divine!) has gone from 5 points to 9 ProPoints and somehow it just doesn't seem worth it anymore. You really notice the ol' points disappearing faster on this new programme and then those weekly points just basically do not compute with my brain. Must be the hair dye slowly erasing the pinch of smarts I had...

My 30th. Oh GOD, I'm at the 29 and a half mark this month. Seriously depressing. The room I wanted is booked out so now I've to think of somewhere else to have it. Nerves! Still can't believe I'm turning 30, most days I'm swinging between being totally cool with it and having a nervous breakdown. It's exhausting.

Man flu. This doesn't require and explanation really because girls, you know exactly what I'm taling about. Although he does actually have bronchitis so I am trying to be patient but if he listened to me in the first place (and bought a cough bottle like two months ago or even if he took off his coat inside or maybe if he ate a few vegetables or fruit once in a while...) perhaps he wouldn't have had to spend €104 on an inhaler. I'm just saying...

Jedward. Nuff said. I'm going to be missing the Eurovision on Saturday since I'm going to a partay but I'm actually kinda glad because I cannot stand those guys and I think if they win my brain might explode.

Item of the Week No. 12

2011-05-09T12:37:00.001+01:00

Right, this week's item of the week is another food product. (Food and beauty products are pretty much all a girl needs if you ask me.) This week's item is slightly different however, as it's a product you can produce yourself! Yay! Ladies and gentlemen, may I present marshmallow fluff:

The plain and simple fact here is that I have discovered what heaven is made of and curiously enough it's orgasmic. OMG, this stuff is GORGEOUS!!! I got the recipe out of this book that I actually bought my cousin for her birthday but when I flicked through it I saw I saw the recipe for chocolate whoopie pies with marshmallow fluff filling and I thought 'Interesting...' so I copied it, so bold I know but totally worth it. I think I may just live off this for the rest of my life:

The chocolate whoopie pies weren't actually that nice in the end, waaaaaay too cocoa-y so I've been licking the marshmallow fluff out and throwing away the cake bit. ( Well, I AM on a diet dontcha know!) Oh by the by, that's my super new re-useable baking sheet that I got for €7.50 in the Le Creseut shop in Kildare Village Outlets. My aim in life is to own everything in that shop, one down...alot more to go.

Omfg...kittens

2011-05-07T19:35:00.001+01:00

I have set up a nice, covered environment to coax out the kittens which, theoretically may or may not be living in the wilderness that is my back garden. Not too shabby if I do say so myself :

Kittens would make me so happy, happier than Charlie Sheen with a bag of coke and a hooker. That's pretty damn happy if you ask me.

Commenting Update

2011-05-04T18:07:00.000+01:00

I heard a few of you were having trouble commenting on this here fine blog and I went and did my own investigation but the answers I came up with didn't work either so I enlisted the help of the boyf who is, in fact, a computer genius and we reckon the problem is now sorted. Unfortunately in the search for these elusive solutions to a techno problem I had to undo all the loevly work I had done on perfecting this blog for you lovely people and since I have an utterly rubbish memory, it now doesn't look quite the same as it did. Anyway, without further ado, I think you can all now comment on my blog. I think.

Happiness Is...

2011-05-03T12:14:00.002+01:00

Could this be the best breakfast ever?!

Although a little disappointed there wasn't more of the official pictures inside Hello! Everything they had was everything I'd already seen. Was hoping for a few of those Buckingham Palace ones. Maybe even one of the royal family doing the Hokey Kokey. Hopefully in the next issue.

Something Blue

2011-04-28T12:51:00.005+01:00

This week is an odd one.

I feel strangely subdued and a little bit shitty if I'm honest. I don't know why, sometimes I am simply...melancholy. Maybe it's the post-Easter come down. Perhaps I was on a sugar high? This week is a bit of a non-week really though isn't it. Easter is over but it's impossible to get anything done because quite frankly I CANNOT WAIT for the ROYAL WEDDING!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!

All you naysayers and anti-royalists can go and whinge and moan and bitch all you like, myself and about two billion other people are going to shed a tear as two people are united in love. Aw. Little Wills is all grown up. Granted, I was pretty sure I was destined to marry him but sure, life is what happens when you're busy making other plans eh? It was nice whie it lasted though.

I don't understand why people get so angry about the whole thing though, especially Irish people. It's not your tax money paying for it, in fact it's fuck all to do with you so what's the problem? (Our tax money is going to pay for a bunch of wankers to play golf in the K Club, I'd prefer if it went on a wedding!) If you're not interested then don't bloody watch it, simple as that. I fucking hate The X Factor but I have to put up with people yammering on about it and seeing it everywhere. I hate football but at least once a week I'm forced to watch some "important" match and then read all about it on Facebook. The royal wedding is no better or worse than anything else that takes the public imagination so why do some people insist on being so negative about the whole thing? Personally I love the royal family for the simple fact that they re so like any other family. You've got the scary granny, the grumpy grandad, endless aunts and uncles and cousins sprinkled with a bit of scandal. We've all been there!!!! I've grown up with William and Harry, they're like distant cousins. Very, very distant. I've seen them on the news, in Hello!, hell I met their granny! I even think I was in Thorpe Park the same day as them. Diana was a goddess in my eyes when I was little and it was so sad to see the two of them walking behind her coffin. But now here they are, Harry WAY better looking than anyone expected and William getting married and it's just so nice!

I hope William and Kate are very happy together.

I'm a bit grumpy today, sorry. I promise to be a bit better next time.

Guaranteed Irish

2011-04-26T16:39:00.002+01:00

In relation to the post below this article is interesting.

Fancy Footwork As Family Firm Thrives

In the 80's the government seemed to want to encourage Irish production and Irish business but now? It's like they don't even give a shit. This is the kind of stuff we need. I know it may not be possible to source all materials in Ireland and stuff like that but I sometimes feel we should be buying our products as much as possible from Irish companies and shops. A hundred years ago we were fighting for the right to call this country our own yet we actually have very little to call our own. Hell, even the country isn't our own anymore. Competition is great and I love Schuh (!) but I'd love to be able to buy an affordable pair of fab Irish shoes from an Irish shoe shop. I'm just being silly but, I am a sentimental old fool sometimes. :)

Home Again...Naturally

2011-04-26T16:13:00.005+01:00

A belated happy Easter to one and all! I was in Brussels for the weekend and my parent's apartment is a technological no man's land with no internet connection and not even a 3G signal for my iphone. I'm sure you all missed me desperately but fear not, I'm back and won't be going anywhere for a whole month! Woohoo!

Well, Brussels was pretty quiet so not much to report there. It was gorgeous and sunny and I think I came back with a slight tan which is always nice. I ate chocolate, drank kriek and had a few waffles so I'm happy.

I promised those of you on Facebook a rant about Terminal 2 so let's proceed shall we?

Where to start?! Well, ok, it is a nice enough building and all that but it's a bit generic isn't it? An airport is an airport I know but you'd think they'd like jazz it up a bit to make to distinctly Ireland so that you know as soon as you step off the plane that you're in Ireland. You shhould be bombarded with Irish products and places to go to encourage the ol' spending by the tourists. Don't get me started on the TOTAL LACK of Irish shops in the terminal. WH Smith?! Wtf?! C'mon! Our country is in the depts of a hugley depressing recession with businesses going bust every day and DAA won't even deign to have a few Irish brands in the new terminal?! To promote Irish business and give a little boost to the economy?! No we have to bend over and let foregin companies in. Quite frankly we deserve everything we get. We are total chumps, goddamnit.

Rant over. :D

In other exciting news, when our plane landed, as we were taxiing to the terminal, we saw a rabbit...HOPPING ACROSS THE RUNWAY! Possibly one of the most exciting moments in my entire life. It was so cute! He came out of the grass on one side and then hopped to the middle of the runway, where he paused and had a little look around and then he carried on hopping across to the other patch of grass and you could just see his little tail bobbing along the grass as we drove by. I want a rabbit!

Techno Babble

2011-04-20T14:17:00.003+01:00

Well hello there lovelies! I would like to welcome you all to today's post, grab a seat, put your feet up, have cake!

I've been trying to improve my blog lately, generally tidying it up and you can see I've actually put a picture of some scratch cards up and I've changed around the fonts and stuff and I think the whole thing looks great. I've also been trying to tidy up my labels, making my thoughts look a little more coherent rather than this explosion of words but no matter how hard I try...there is no tidying up my thoughts. I do write about and think about all those subjects so unfortunately the labels will just have to be many, and a messy many at that.

Anyway, when I read other blogs they all bang on about traffic and SEOs and linking back to other posts and reading up on how to improve your blog and part of me sort of panics and looks at my whole 9 followers and thinks "Hrm, should I be worried?" and "Will I ever make a blog of note?" and then I'm thinking the internet geek gods are probably judging me for my lack of techno blog education and they're probably laughing at this lil blog and that makes me sad.

SO THEN I'm all "Ok, lets get educated in the ways of techno blog stuff!" and off I go and read forums and instructions and then...my brain dies. Y'see folks, I've never been that good at reading instructions, especially computery instructions because I really don't have a computery brain. Already my brain has died a little trying to sort out the issue of why some people can't post to my blog (even though the settings say everybody!) and I just can't fathom all this stuff about traffic and yada yada yada. Also, I'm not sure I care enough either. Maybe if I ever get famous and rich or hell, even a full-time job, I can hire someone to do all the techno stuff for me. My boyfriend is a technologly head but he thinks blogging is stupid and even though he'd probably help if I asked, he'd go on and on and ON about how stupid it is and you really don't want me to go though that do you?!

So I'm afraid it's just you and me and my 9 followers for now. I love my 9 followers, you're all so nice to join me on my voyage of self discovery and shopping.

(On a side note I'm sitting in the kitchen with the back door open and I think I just heard a really far away gunshot or possibly an explosion. Or maybe something far away fell over. Weird.)

Butterfly Cakes

2011-04-20T11:07:00.002+01:00

Finniky but delicious with an orange curd and orange buttercream filling...

By the way, I'm sorry the photos go all squishy like this sometimes, it's when I use the blog app on my iphone. It's not a very good app as it crashes ALOT but it lets me save stuff and draft posts without needing a wifi signal which is better than actually using Safari to post because sometimes I can't get a signal and it's annoying trying to type etc, etc. If anyone knows of a better app or if ab actual Blogger app exists, let me know! Life was so much easier on my Sony Ericksson which was set up for Blogger in the first place. Damn you iphone! Damn you for making my life better and harder all at the same time!!!

Wedding Menus

2011-04-19T13:47:00.014+01:00

I've probably told you before that I'd consider myself pretty creative. Not like amazing or anything but half decent. Not as good as my friend Helen but better than a monkey with a glue gun. A couple of years ago - I cannot believe it's that long - you may remember I was bridesmaid for my friend Ciara. I thought I had witten a post about the whole experience and even put up a picture but obviously I was too busy being an amazing bridesmaid to do so! I did however do a post about Gozo, where the wedding was, and you can see that here. Anyhoo, I was actually very busy that summer because I was a bridesmaid AND I made the menus for the wedding dinner. Ciara asked me to do this for her wedding present and I'm pretty sure she was thinking I'd just whip them out of the printer like a normal person. But as we all know, I ain't a normal person so I decided to go all out and colour co-ordinated them to match the colours in the bridal party. I know, I know, I am actually AMAZING. I thought you fine folks might like to see the final product and some of the ideas I had. Oh you don't? Well tough luck pal, cos you're gonna!

These were the first incarnations, good but not quite there yet.

Since the knife and fork stickers were adorable and cute I decided to stick with those and then incorporated the colour of the bridesmaids dresses, a kinda sea greeny colour. Well, maybe not sea green...it's very hard to pin down the actualy colour so here's a pic of me looking stressed while ding up Ciara's dress:

Pressure! It got to me, I totally fucked it up and someone else had to step in. Oh well. I can't beleive it but I don't actually have a picture of me and Ciara and the other bridesmaids on the day before the dancing began, I'm raging. The only one i have of the two of us is waaaay into the party and I look seriously sweaty. I told the boyf to take loads of pictures but he missed out on that one. Anyway, there's the colour of the bridesmaids dress and here is the finished menu:

So there you have it, my first tentative steps into the world of wedding stationary. It was very exciting but pretty tough work. I made 75 of those babies (with a little help from my mam and my friend Susannah) and they were all handmade. Thankfully they didn't all melt and fall apart in the sun, although the bridal suite flooded the day before the wedding so it got a bit hairy there for a few hours. Luckily Ciara is a very easy-going person and made a very easy-going bride, I doubt others would be the same! The dinner, by the by, was delicious. My favourite was the wedding cake, croquembouche (profiteroles to us plebs) and I haven't had any quite as delicious since :(

Church of the Divine Pussy

2011-04-18T17:31:00.008+01:00

I'm currently trying to come up with something witty and amazing to entertain you all with so in the meantime, please enjoy these pictures of my fabulous, wonderful, squeeky, gorgeous cat, Ava. She is no friend to small, winged creatures but she likes getting her belly rubbed and eats pesto sauce.

She also has excellent taste when it comes to shoes...

Yes, those are my pale, pasty legs. Yes, they are my FABULOUS new shoes.

You, my dear friends, are welcome.

Oh, p.s., it has come to my attention that some of you may be having problems posting comments when you try to sign in with your Google email. I have no idea why that is or how to fix it you BUT you can post using Name/URL or Anonymous and that seems to be working ok. Also, follow me and make me look popular and hilarious and amazing!

Item of the Week No. 11

2011-04-15T14:50:00.005+01:00

This week's post is about something we all eat in some form or another. I had some this morning for breakfast and I love them so much I would happily eat some more, right now. I am talking about the humble yet versatile and extremely tasty egg.

As with most things that pop up in my Item of the Week section, I frickin' LOVE eggs. Scrambled, fried, boiled, poached, soft, hard... I will never go hungry so long as eggs are around. Their yellowy goodness fills me with joy.

Eggs are amazing because they go into so much stuff! Without eggs we wouldn't have pancakes or cakes in general. Without eggs we wouldn't have custard, meraunge...meragnue...how the fuck do you spell it?!. Anyhoo, we wouldn't have pavlova (mmmm....pavloooooovaaaa), french toast, eggs benedict, devilled eggs... the list is endless! What would a full Irish be without an egg? A semi-Irish, that's what. A non-entity. The world would not be the same without eggs.

Hell, without eggs we wouldn't have chickens and that, my friends, would be a sad sad world indeed. Put your hands in the air if you like eggs! Woooooooooo!

Dairy Goodness

2011-04-10T20:34:00.003+01:00

Yesterday I was hankering after a good ol' Muller Fruit Corner so I headed down the dairy aisle and picked up a Strawberry Fruit Corner. My efforts were rewarded not only by tasty delicious creamy yogurty goodness but also by the revelation that there's a free gift WITH EVERY POT! I know, I know, so exciting, right?! So I whipped out the ol' iphone and tap tap tapped in the required details to discover that I had won... A Thank You Cow Creator! Woo! Now some of you may be skeptical and think that's not a great gift but, my friends, how wrong you are. The people at Muller CLEARLY know me inside out because for me, this is the greatest gift EVER! Let me demonstrate... So you cut out the cow, fold the tabs and glue them down et voila... A lil cow! Isn't it so cute?! I am going to find hours of entertainment with this thing! Isn't technology the most wonderful amazing thing ever?! Thank YOU Muller for providing me with endless hours of entertainment!!!!

P.S. For those of you who don't actually know me and are wondering why exactly such a tiny little thing could provide me with so much joy, please click on the "Cows" tab above to explain everything.

Shave or Dye Grand Total!!!

2011-04-09T13:33:00.003+01:00

I finally lodged my Shave or Dye money on Friday. I have raised a whopper

€920

Woohoo!

Thank you so much everyone who sponsored me, your money means alot to so many people in Ireland. Thanks!

I Can't Think Of A Title...Musings On My Education?!

2011-04-07T01:11:00.003+01:00

I had my braces tightened yesterday and my mouth is KILLING me. This is the most painful it's been so far and I am famished!!! So far I've managed to eat a banana and two slices of toast, most of whuch was swallowed whole or sucked until it evaporated. All we've got in the house is those Nurofen gel tablet things which are nothing compared to Nurofen Plus. I miss Nurofen Plus. Damn nanny state takin' away my insanely strong painkilkers! Damnit to hell!

In other news, before my pain began yesterday I met my lovely cousin Emma for a bit in Trinity College.

It's been a very long time since I've walked through Trinity and I'd forgotten how nice the grounds are. It's just such a lovely place, bustling yet calm and all old worldy. I kinda wish I'd gone to Trinity but I never thought I was smart enough. Hell, I'm not smart enough! It would be nice though, to go to college in somewhere so historic.

Although I have to say, I was the worst university student EVER! I so did not belong there! I was buying a bottle of water in this little shop in what I think was the Arts building and the inside is pretty much exactly the same as any other university building; all concrete and wide open spaces. And yes wide open space sound lovely but suddenly I realised how out of place I was, even just buying a bottle of water! That could be down to the fact that I WAS actually out of place because I don't go there but it was a feeling I was all too familiar, that feeling that everyone here knows you're a fraud and you really don't belong. It's so intimidating, you look around and there's all these hip young students walking around like they KNOW what the hell they're doing and you're just filling the time until you go home.

I was always a square peg in a round hole. Still haven't found a square hole yet though.

This Post Will Ultimately Be About Shoes

2011-04-01T14:51:00.007+01:00

Sometimes I worry that I may be coming across as a bit shallow and ditzy and only concerned with the idiotic things in life because alot of the time that is what I talk about. (But that's what the Internet is there for isn't it?!) I'm just afraid that people may peg me as some stupid little girly blogger who doesn't know anything. But, I assure you dear friends, I know lots of things and I am a deep well of intelligent thoughts and philosophical thinking but most of the time I think too much and become paralysed with fear about the future/life/death and so I distract myself with simple things like baking and shopping and SHOES. If I let my mind meander and actually wrote about the stuff I do think about, my blog would be rather depressing and alot more ranty than it actually is. My mind is kinda like this, in the course of a day:

hate getting out of bed yum breakfast need to look for degree related job job job looking for a job not finding a job terrified of most jobs william marry me too old for lots of job stress oh shit im turning 30 oh shit biological clock oh shit am I supposed to be married by now im a loser who still lives at home job job job waste of degree omg what was that noise whats that wierd light in the graveyard zombie apocalypse wheres the best place to hide whats the best weapon for killing a zombie job job job what do i do ugh stop texting me we dont have to text all day aw my cat is so cute i miss scully i want another cat is scully in heaven is there a heaven oh shit what if there isnt a heaven what if its all just black black black fear job job job is charlie sheen still alive im totally crap at everything cant get a job need to lose wieght weight watchers afraid fear scared shit im 30 my life is over im old is my blog good enough am i good enough bed bed bed

In short the above is the reason I like talking about shoes, just in case you were wondering about the wisdom on talking about shoes. Alot. But I do like shoes alot too so there.

I have YET ANOTHER shoe dilemma. I would like to buy a pair of those brogue-style shoes that all the hip kids are wearing these days. Now, that would be easy considering I have €60 on a Schuh card leftover from Christmas. (Did I already tell you thig dilemma?!Such a bad memory...) But, alas, it's not. I went over and tried these on in Schuh: They're €90. I do like them but I chickened out of buying them because I'm just not entirely sure. Are they me?! And for €90 you need to be sure, even though technically they'd only cost me €30. I'm just not sure about the colour, I like it but the matchy matchy nutjob in me might not feel comfortable in such dramatic contrasting shades. (I know, a bit ironic considering the hair but still...) Like, I'm really bad at clashing colours in a good way so I have to match because otherwise I look like an explosion in an Oxfam shop. I'm just the wrong side of ordinary for these shoes I think. So should I just go for brown?! Gah! But brown is so boring and ordinary and I'm not really that ordinary am I?! On top of all that, River Island has thrown a spanner in the works with these babies:
These are €40 and I think they also come in a navy/cream mix.

Decisions decisions. Do I use up my voucher or save it for a FAB pair of heels that may or may not come in? Life is so hard sometimes.

And I just realised these are actually loafers, not brogues. Well, there goes my chances of getting a job with Vogue.

I apologise if I got carried away with the ol' italics and bold buttons.

Item of the Week No. 10

2011-03-30T17:00:00.007+01:00

I've decided to change my Product of the Week posts to Item of the Week since alot of the stuff I come up with aren't actually products (although in this capatilist society of ours aren't we all products? Or insert deep philosophical comment about products here) and so I'd feel bad calling something that isn't a product a product. Ya get me? This week, however, is actually a product so I probably should have waited 'til next week or whenever I remembered I was supposed to be doing a weekly post about something. I'm sorry, I'm not making much sense, I have a headache. (Which is annoying because I just did an hour long walk and isn't exercise supposed to make you feel better? Where's the incentive if everytime you move faster than a sloth you get a headache?!) But now's as good a time as any to implement change so why not. I am being the change I want to see in the world. Kind of. In mybogworl anyway. That's a small but good step in...general. Moving swiftly on... This week's post is about glue. Yes, glue. But no ordinary glue! after DECADES of arting and crafting and scrapbooking and searching high up and low down for a non-messy glue that doesn't crinkle the paper I have FINALLY discovered this: It is AMAZEBALLS! No mess, no fuss just one piece of paper stuck to another. I'm currently creating some cards and so far it's great, I can make them in bed without worrying about spilling glue all over the place! (Yes, I do everything in bed when I can.) So I would highly recommend this piece of arts and crats engineering!

The Accidental Artist

2011-03-29T16:35:00.001+01:00

I was on the bus on Saturday and spotted this stuck to the window:

Don't ask me what the hell it's stuck with because I don't really want to know but I thought it was cool because it's like a high cross but mini which struck me as rather poignant because

A) Ireland is famous for it's high crosses and isn't it amazing that deep in the suburbs of Dublin someone, on a long and winding journey, was touched enough to recreate something from our nation's history thus reminding us, on our own long and winding journey, who we are and where we are from. Beautiful.

B) isn't it amazing how some people can craete something beautiful out of something so simple? That they can see the beauty in a piece of rubbish. I'd consider myself creative but I need buckets of glue and half the Art & Hobby Shop before I can make something remotely decent. I'd never be able to make a high cross with just a bus ticket. My mind is blown man. That person is clearly the next Banksy.

Either that or they were bored.

New Look!

2011-03-25T12:45:00.004Z

I decided to spruce up my blog page a bit. I dunno if it works. I'm really bad at this kind of designy stuff. I like colourful stuff but I'm not able to put colours together very well. Suggestions on a postcard! I like my background though, I figured I should probably have something with a scratchcard on it. I won €5 last week on one, woohoo! I've never won more than €8 on a single card, I'd love to know if anyone has actually won a €5000 or a €10,000 prize. I won't cash my winnings just yet, I'll wait til I have no money and need to buy lunch or something. Always handy to have a back up plan.

Oh, I have big news! I won a table quiz on Wednesday night! I was so excited, I've never won a table quiz! I hardly ever win anything! It was myself, my cousins Emma and Kevin and a randomer. We came from 4th before the last round to first! I'm pretty sure it was all thanks to my cousin Kevin's incredible brain for remembering that the capital of Kyrgystan was Bishkek (I think...). Yay Kev! I love a good table quiz, I've got another one on Saturday and alot is at stake now since I just won AND it's a work quiz, my reputation is on the line. I'll probably steal our table name though - The Elizabeth Windsor Welcoming Committee. Has a nice ring to it dontcha think?! It's got to be good luck, plus I shall bring my Blue Cross kitten pen which I got at another table quiz, I'm SURE it played a hand in our winning.

Shiny Nails

2011-03-24T21:23:00.001Z

These are my shiny new nail sticker things! Got them in Top Shop, they're a bit more work than nail polish in that you have to trim them and use a hair dryer to make the adhesive stick. I love them though :)

Ladette

2011-03-23T02:03:00.002Z

On Saturday I went down to my local to watch the rugby with my boyfriend.

Not a sentence often uttered by me but it was an Ireland v. England game and those are extra special, even if it's only Tiddlywinks. We HAVE to beat the Brits. Or at least not lose embarrassingly.

Now, I'm not a sporty person. As Leonardo Di Caprio might say, I'm more of an "indoor girl". I don't play sports and I have very limited knowledge of them and I certainly don't invest emotionally in them. I'm happy to admit this though and I'm certainly not going to pretend that I know what the hell I'm talking about when it comes to a post-match analysis.

Unlike the ladies sitting next to me, who screamed hysterically whenever an Irish player so much as glanced at the ball. What I hate about these female fans is that, unlike men who watch and know what's actually going on, when something goes wrong they don't get it and it has to explained. And they still don't get it but they think they get it and analyse it even though the game has moved on. I on the other hand simply sit there looking pretty and judge other women on how appropriate it is to be wearing fuck me heels at four in the afternoon in a bar full of kids. (In Ireland there's two things to do at the weekend: drink or shop and God forbid you let your kids get in the way of either.)

I know I'm probably being harsh and feminists will be disgusted with me but I think there's nothing more embarrassing than a woman trying to be one of the lads. Give over love.

Sleepy Head

2011-03-19T13:14:00.002Z

I'm back to my state of part-time work and searching for a job that fulfills me. (I've come to the conclusion that this doesn't exist, by the way. I am doomed to being a number, another ant in the ant hill doing a shit job till I croak.) My shiny new job which I was so excited about didn't work out. It's an unbelievably horrendous feeling having all the things you thought about yourself (That in fact you're crap and unemployable) confirmed by someone who doesn't even know you ("You don't have a *spark*").

Yup, great, thanks, that gave me LOADS of confidence to apply for jobs!

Luckily I had the presence of mind to keep on one day in my old job and that's what I'm doing now, working one day a week and spending the rest of it at home. I don't mind being at home, I love home. Usually when I'm out I can't wait to get home, to where I'm comfortable and at ease. Mostly I am not at ease outside my house. I feel too large and sticky out when I'm in a pub or even shopping. Plus, I hate standing. Sitting down is my favourite way o be.

The problem with having all this free time is that you spend alot of it in bed and when you're up you spend your time wondering if it's acceptable to get back into bed before 9pm. As you know, I have a fairly intense love affair with my bed. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. It's so comfy and warm and soft. I can sleep for Ireland, it takes alot to wake me.

Well, a squeaking cat at the window wakes me alot but maybe that's why I need so much sleep? My sleep cycle is constantly being interrupted by my cat!

The trouble with me is that I snooze and then I stay in my PJs for ages and then the inevitable happens: the doorbell rings. Immeadiately I'm like "Who the fuck is that?" and then I realise it's 2pm and I'm still in my PJs and my pink hair is all over the place and even though I might have been up for a couple of hours, I still loook like I just rolled out of bed. Queue quick tidy of hair and a switch from lazy bum to semi-conscious job hunter.

And then you have to open the door. And even though the chances are you won't see this person again you still feel mortified to be standing there in your fluffy dressing gown and mad pink hair. And you KNOW they're judging you with their judgy eyes. This morning I was greeted by a census lady, giving me our census form. I was actually awake but still in bed debating whether to get up or not when the doorbell rang. So up I jump and immeadiately get that horrible woozy feeling from getting up too quickly, stumble down the stairs and try to greet her as brightly as possible while all the time being painfully aware that I'm not wearing a bra.

Thank GOD it wasn't a hot guy.

Give Up Yer Aul Sins - Story of Saint Patrick

2011-03-18T18:37:00.000Z

I'm a MASSIVE fan of these little cartoons by Brown Bag Films, one of which (The Story of Lazarus, I think) was nominated for an Oscar. We've had the Give Up Yer Aul Sins TAPE in our house since the 90's and we used to listen to it in the car. The kids are so sweet when they're telling the stories, it's so rare we get an opportunity to listen to ordinary people from the past. I love how they speak and talk about Holy God and say things like "So this day..." and the way you can imagine these scruffy little kids with freckles on their noses and knee socks around their ankles and how emphatic they are in their descriptions - "Even though you're really smart it takes ye SEVEN years to be a priest.". Anyway, I know it's a little late but enjoy anyway and I hope
everyone had a great St. Patrick's Day!

Mosney!!!!

2011-03-18T16:34:00.015Z

The other day I was driving by a park in Tallaght and I saw this playround which was a pretty damn cool playground with a rocketship slide. Sweet. Anyway, all of a sudden I got this mad flashback to, of all places, Mosney. Wierd, I know, but the slide reminded me of the water slide that you had to pay an extra £2 to go down and it went UNDERGROUND! I never did it because I'm too chickenshit to do something like that, despite the fact that I was pretty sure I was a Goonie for a large part of my childhood. I was kinda scared it'd be dark or I'd land on/in something slimy. I don't like slimy things touching me. I think it was called The Dragon or something like that. I have a really fucking shit memory so it's a miracle my brain managed to stir up that little flash of nostalgia but when I actually started to think about it there was so much stuff I remembered so I'm gonna share a few of these memories with you;

*the cafeteria that had windows into the pool and you could see underwater! WOW!

*that big inflatable slide, which come to think of it I don't ever remember getting on either. I was such a pussy!

*those mushroom waterfall thingies,

*the big red outdoor slide with all the bumps,

*the lino in the chalets, * the Waltzers. Oh, one time my very cool yellow plastic hairband flew off my head when I was on the Waltzers. I managed to rescue it though.

*the toys you could buy in the shop, I had a plastic charm necklace with really brightly coloured charms, that's me wearing it on the right there, below. I'm scowling because that's a lemon Cornetto in my hand and I didn't want a frickin' lemon Cornetto. Story of my life, wha' wha' wha'! (also, notice the infamous yellow hairband.) Anyhoo, those charm necklaces were cheap, plastic and a choking hazard but damnit, I loved them. They also had these sponge thingies that looked like ice creams but I can't remember what they did. Do you?!

*The whale ride thing. The yellow hairband rides again!

*Oooh, the pool that was indoors AND outdoors and you could swim through a gap in the wall. Frickin' sweet. I think that's it below, along with nerdy seventies lifeguard.

*I know that these photos are a mixture of ones from my childhood and my mother's but it doesn't really matter because the best, best thing about Mosney was that NOTHING changed. Ever. I went there as a kid but so did two or three generations of Irish people It was like a blip in the space time continuum, it was relaxing in it's consistency really, that's what made it beautiful. Below is my mother and two of her sisters sitting on one of the fountains beside the outdoor pool. (I don't ever remember the fountain actually being on though.) My mother is the one setting the trend with her buckled swimsuit.

*I also have a very vivid memory of puking up in the back of our car (a Renault 5 with only one working door. Classic motor.) when my mam was dropping my aunt off at a train station or a bus stop or something. This is pretty significant since the bus/train stop can't have been that far away enough for a normal person to get car sick. I, however, am special.

*The painted seats, seen here with my mother in her youth (yet again setting a trend with her knee socks and mini skirt) and also me with my dad and lil brother.

Also, if it looks freezing in all of these photos, it probably was. Mosney is now closed and home to asylum seekers which I think is kinda sad because a)all these asylum seekers are dumped in this kinda creepy empty holiday place where nothing works. It's the kinda place young, blonde, big-boobed teenagers get murdered in in scary movies, and b) there is sweet fuck all to do in this country on a normal day but during the recession there's even less. Surely if you want to encourage people to spend money and get the economy going again you should open more places like this. Even better you should keep it all old and nostalgic and have glamourous granny contests and stuff. EVERYONE loves to reminicse, it'd be so cool, like travelling back in time! Enda, are you listening?! Re-open Mosney and you will go down in history as the best taoiseach EVER.

I did an aul Google search while contemplating this post and found this site

http://www.butlinsmemories.com/mosney/index.htm

which is lovely and nostalgic and has more photos. If you fancy reminiscing leave a comment or share a photo!

Shave or Dye

2011-03-11T15:47:00.017Z

Wow, two posts in one day! You must be feeling sooooo lucky! This one will mostly just be pictures though, a nice easy one. I dyed my hair pink last Friday in aid of the Irish Cancer Society as part of their Shave or Dye 2011 campaign. I haven't collected all of my sponsorship money but I reckon I've raised close to €600 which is totally amazing. People are truly generous when it comes to charity which I am so grateful for considering we're all feeling the pinch at the moment. If you want you can still sponsor me until the 18th of March through my charity page:

http://www.mycharity.ie/event/audrey_goes_pink/

The dyeing occurred in my aunt Sharon's salon Image Hair & Beauty, 2 LaTouche Roand, Bluebell, Dublin 12. Thanks so much to Sharon, Gillian and Tracey and to all their customers who also donated and got cakes and tea on the day. You all helped so much to raise the amount that we did.
Here's the pics from the day:

Before! I look so boring!!!

The lovely ladies who signed up to do my hair!

Ta dah!!!

Tracey, me, Sharon and Gillian

Me with my cousin Bebhinn.

Me and my mam.

Me with my Aunt Mary.

Me and my cousin Debbie.

Thanks again to everyone who donated, I will post the total raised as soon as I've collected everything. Thanks to my mam, Mary, Bebhinn, Debbie and Bob for coming down on the day and joining in, you probably all think I'm a bit mad but hey, you're all related to me so deep down you know you wanted pink hair too! Deep, deep down!

Enjoy Alcohol Responsibly

2011-03-11T14:20:00.006Z

Yesterday I spent the whole day wallowing in my own filth after a night on the tiles with my brother and his friends. I have never been that drunk or hungover in my life. Of course, we went to the one and only place you can be/should be that drunk in: Copper Face Jacks.

Shudder.

Despite my protestations that I only ever go there for the dancing, I don't actually recall doing that much dancing. I don't recall an awful lot but I seemed to constantly have a drink in my hand and therefore I wasn't on the dancefloor and usually you're not allowed on the dancefloor with a drink but then again Coppers doesn't have many standards so I don't know why I let that stop me... I dunno, the whole night is a blur. I bumped into one of my cousins and one of my neighbours. That is an interesting fact in itself because everyone hates Coppers yet everyone always ends up there. What is is about Coppers that is so alluring?! Ok, so the music is always good and as a person who has a boyfriend that's the only reason to go to Coppers when you're with someone. For a single person it's pretty much a meat market where the shoppers aren't that fussy. I suppose if you're gagging for it it's good but really, there's not alot else to keep you there. The loos are icky, they're like the toilets in airplanes and I'm always afraid I'll fall in.

Anyway, I know I'm like 29 and I'm probably supposed to be all grown up and responsible and settled but I'm really not. I think I'm even getting less grown up and responsible as time goes by. I'm starting to feel like I let life slip me by and I never took enough risks when I was young. Just as an example, yesterday I was watching Gilmore Girls reruns (I've seen the whole show like three times but I still watch it, why?!) and it was the episode where Jess comes back and asks Rory to run away to New York with him. And Rory says no. Ugh, what a dope! Instead she stays behind and becomes a homewrecker. Seriously?! Why the hell didn't she go with Jess?! Ok fine, so maybe being a homewreker can be counted as being kind of exciting but it's not something you want to brag about. She was too stifled and too scared to run way with Jess and it frustrates me so much watching her sometimes because it's like watching a horror movie where you're screaming at the TV "Don't go upstairs!" but you're shouting "Kiss him!" or "Stop drinking coffee!" or "Let your granny buy you some age appropriate clothes!" But then I realised that I'm pretty much Rory Gilmore. Apart from not being as smart as her and being the worst journalist ever, I'm pretty much Rory Gilmore because I never did anything other than what I was supposed to do. It never even occurred to me to break any rules or run away to New York with my gorgeous boyfriend. Lack of gorgeous boyfriend aside, metaphorically speaking I SHOULD have run away to New York or broken a few rules because when you're 29 breaking rule probably means jail time. It's not like being good actually paid off for me because I was only ever average academic wise and I'm a sucky journalist so will never get a career out of that.

So anwyay, my night out on Wednesday was me being footloose and fancy free because normally I would just stay home and be all "Oh no, I'm not cool enough/young enough/fun enough to go out with them". Of course, my liver and gag reflex totally regret it now but for once I was crazy and wild. And I'm pretty chuffed I didn't barf in the taxi, I have actually turned into that kid from The Simpsons who no one wants to sit next to on the school bus because he gets travel sick. It was a close one though, my brother bought me a garlic cheese chips which I ate when we got in and threw up five minutes later. I blame the tequila. Or maybe it as the Sambuca? Or the Desperadoes...the Baby Guinness...the Kopparberg... Hey, it could have been a bug, maybe it wasn't my fault at all. Maybe.

Kids, let your Aunty Audrey give you some advice: Enjoy alcohol responsibly, for God's sake don't mix your drinks!

P.S. Isn't the earthquake in Japan awful? As much as we whinge about our incredibly fucked up yet dull country, at least we can be thankful that natural disasters tend to bypass us. Touch wood. Anyway, let's hope the death toll isn't high and that the country can get itself back to normal pretty soon. And hopefully the tsunami doesn't make this an even bigger disaster across the world.

It's aLIIIIIIIIIVE!

2011-03-02T13:29:00.004Z

I hate live TV. And chat shows. Ok, maybe hate is a very strong word...intensely dislike. You want to know why? Ok, I'll tell you why...sit down there, have a cup of tea and get yourself settled...

I probably got you all excited there thinking I have some traumatic live TV event in my past that has scarred me for life. Nope, not that thrilling I'm afraid, I just hate the huge wide massive scope for stuff to go wrong on live TV. I can't cope with people being embarrassed on TV or embarrassing themselves in front of millions of viewers. I just hate the way alot of chat show hosts have their guests doing something stupid or ask them an akward question that the guest doesn't get. Like when American celebrities go on British TV and they get asked something and it's literally like they've been asked something in Martian but really the host is trying to be funny and the American just doesn't get it. My dislike of this kind of stuff was reiterated by the Oscars last weekend. I couldn't even bring myself to watch the highlights because I'd heard it was so bad. (And I'm raging because I missed my favourite bit, the dead people montage! ) The Oscars are pretty much at the pinacle of embarrassing live TV because it's basically just like, four hours (or something riduculous) of Hollywood ass kissing. When I was a teenager I used to stay up to watch the whole thing live because I LOVED the Oscars but now it's just become like this huge sugary ass kissing cake, it makes my teeth hurt. It's gone from being this big prestigious awards ceremony where there'd be lovely gowns and a few laughs to being this grotesque marketing event at the end of a very long awards season where there are literally NO surprises in the winners and the only shocking bits are the moments when actors come on to present an award and are shockingly wooden. Even the dresses this year were a bit boring.

Usually when I watch a live TV show or a chat show I spend the whole time tensed up waiting for the moron host to ask something the guest doesn't want to answer. I think it mostly stems from watching RTE. Even the news has mistakes, it's so cringeworthy! And no one cn ever recover well from those mistakes. I even flicked onto the All Ireland Talent Show a couple of weeks ago and there was this band playing live and the whole fucking sound system went or soemthing so it's like TV, in front of a studio audience and there's a bunch of guys sorting out the wiring! Criiiiiiiiiinnnnnnge! I cannot cope with it! I also watched the Late Late Show when Ryan Tubridy had that crazy woman from Medjugorje on and he just sat there and let her waffle hr craziness all over live TV! What the heck is he getting paid for?! To ask questions! But he just sat there and it was just horrendous! There was no sort of debate or reasoned discussion with this woman he literally gave her like 15 minutes of air time to spew her "message". Ugh. I know I said I hate when the host asks difficult questions but that's also the hosts job, to ask questions and get answers otherwise what's the point of a chat show?!

Things just aren't the same since Gaybo and Terry Wogan went off the air. They knew how to do it properly.

Amazeballs

2011-02-27T20:13:00.001Z

I know I told you before that I didn't quite get Twitter and I'm probably not the most technologically evolved blogger there is BUT hold onto your hats folks! I am blogging right now from my brand spankin' new iphone app which allows me to blog ON THE GO!

WOW!

The future has arrived, thank you very much! I'm actually totally in love with my iphone, I could pretty much run the country from this thing (and do a better job than Biffo, wha wha wha?!), I frickin' love it! I'm hoping now this will allow me to post better and more frequent posts because now, as soon as an idea pops into my head I can start drafting! Woohoo! The wonders of modern techology sometimes completely take me by surprise. I mean if someone had told me ten years ago that I'd be blogging from my iphone to the internet I'd be like 'Hey, what you do in your own time behind closed doors is your business pal, leave me out of it. Excuse me while I go find 20p to make a phone call.'

Don't forget to sponsor my Shave or Dye event on my technologically amazing charity fundraising page:
http://www.mycharity.ie/fundPageTemplateX.php?urlRef=audrey_goes_pink
It's all happening in Image Hair & Beauty in Bluebell,( thanks to my lovely auntie Sharon! Yay!), 2pm on Friday 4th March 2011. Be there or be so gutted you're missing out on some faboo cakes and tea and me!!!

Aul Wans

2011-02-20T19:51:00.001Z

For those of you outside Ireland let me explain that 'aul wan' is in fact an Irish...colloquialism I suppose, for 'old woman'. Specifically a cranky old bitch who pisses everyone off. For example: 'If that bleedin' aul wan doesn't shut up moaning about the stairs I'll fuckin' deck her.'

And now let us move on to the topic at hand. Since I am rapidly approaching the grand old age of 30 (a little too rapidly for my liking), it has suddenly occurred to me that alot of changes happen to people when they get old. I mean, aul wans weren't always aul wans. At some point they were just old. So what makes an ordinary person go from being young to old and then an aul wan? Is it bitterness at not being youthful anymore? Is it all their many, MANY ailments (diabetes, constipation, lack of teeth, grandchildren named Tarquin...you get the picture)? Is it technology and how they can't grasp the concept of chip and pin? I just want to know how does a normal sane person turn into an aul wan? Is it inevitably gonna happen to all women?! Am I doomed to this life of telling strangers my problems? In response to the cold creeping fear that attacks my stomach everytime I see a wrinkle on my face I have decided to do up a list...

How To Avoid Being An Aul Wan:

Quit smoking. I'm telling you right now, classic aul wan behaviour is almost always accompanied by smokers cough, Darth Vader-style breathing and/or a voice that makes you sound like a man. Also, if you knit it makes everything smell like smoke which isn't nice considering you're probably knitting a cardigan for little Concepta and probably spent the last hour bitching about the cost of the yarn you want to buy so why ruin it with a smokey smell?

Don't tell sales assistants what you're buying your crap for, (unless they ask) we don't give a flying fuck whether it's a nose trimmer for your husband or a pooper scooper for that nasty little yappy dog you inevitably own- keep it to yourself missus.

Do not, seriously, do not do that thing where you're talking to a stranger and put your hand on their arm and lean in really close and totally invade their personal space. God, that one really bugs me. No touchy!!!

Don't wear a shell suit. You'd be surprised how many of them are floating around. Resist!

Please, please for the love of God and all his disciples, wear your bloody glasses! And if you forget them don't expect others to follow you around reading crap out to you! Especially don't tell people you have them in your bag but can't be bothered looking for them, you're basically just saying 'I'm a tool.'

When in a shop (yes, I know many of these are shop related but the truth is if I didn't work in a shop I probably wouldn't know all this and therefore wouldn't be able to pass on this sage advice!) and you ask for something and it's not on the shelf and we're out of stock, don't keep saying stuff like 'And you don't have it out the back?'. There's no secret code that if you ask enough times we'll turn around and say 'Why yes! We were saving that for the special few customers who asked us enough times! Well done, come on through to our secret stash of special stock!'

Stop taking stuff out of your purse. Purses are for holding cards so why would you leave one at home?! Or why, when changing purses, would you not simply transfer all you cards into the new one?!

Don't elbow people out of the way when getting on a bus.

Avoid sucky sweets. What is about old women and sucky sweets?! I'm partial to an ol' bullseye or a coca cola cube myself but jaaaaaysus I hope I don't do that pinched up pucker face thing.

Take care of your teeth. I am quite frankly highly alarmed at the amount if aul wans with no teeth. And I don't mean just one or two missing, I mean actually only having one tooth. I've seen alot of aul wans lately who resemble this: Yup, Andy Garcia's shoulder guy from Family Guy. Not big, not clever, not pretty. Avoid!

When talking to people, speak TO them. Don't walk around muttering to yourself and then bitch when no one replies.

And that's how not to be an aul wan! I'm pretty sure we've covered everything but they key ingredient to remember is to lease stop whingeing! Go forth and age gracefully!

One Day At A Time

2011-02-14T23:48:00.001Z

So I'm still trying to get the hang of working full time.

Knackered.

Feeling creatively drained. I mean, it's no wonder society is getting more and more dumbed down, I'm too tired to think so all I do is flop in front of the TV. I know TV has been my good friend but when you find yourself watching Hollyoaks you know you've crossed to the dark side.

Haven't cooked/eaten a home cooked meal in FOREVER. I was already bad at eating vegetables but now?! Pffft! My cod liver oil tablets are the only thing keeping me alive these days.

I feel really out of the loop. I think I'm turning into an old person. Since I'm not working in town I feel really detached from like society and stuff, I can see myself turning into those people who only go into town once a year at Christmas and point at things and say 'I used to go to a disco there' and then they don't know how to get on escalators and lose their cars in the car park and go up to sales assistants and ask 'Do you have that foot thing?'. Oh Lord, I may have to start going into town on Saturdays to hang out at the central bank and suck up the cool vibes. Scratch that, maybe not the central bank...

I guess this is how people wake up and realise their whole lives have passed them by. It's so fucking scary! I cannot beleive how old I am and when I think about it it's like there's this huge stone sitting on my chest and I literally can't breathe. I'm not ashamed to tell you I am utterly terrified of life.

Shave or Dye

2011-02-07T16:40:00.002Z

So, I'm doing something a little bit crazy. Most of the people I've told have looked at me like I've sprouted another head and it makes me wonder....am I really so incredibly boring that no one could ever concieve of me dyeing my hair pink?! I mean really! Surely it's not actually THAT insane?!

Anyway, I am dyeing my hair pink for The Irish Cancer Society. I'm looking forward to it because I've actually always wanted to dye my hair pink but have never had the guts so now I'm doing it for a good cause and I have plenty of guts when it comes to that. If there's anyone out there who'd like to sponsor me you can do so here:

Audrey Goes Pink!

Thanks! I will post again soon and will have pictures as soon as it happens!

New Dawn, New Day

2011-01-10T21:04:00.006Z

Well hello there! Happy New Year!

Things have been kinda crazy lately so I haven't been able to post much over Christmas, I didn't have a huge amount of time off in the end. Basically I have a new job! Exciting! I won't go into too much detail but suffice to say you'll probably see me writing alot more about knitting!!! Ooh mysterious! So far it's been going well, I'm learning loads and I get a discount on wool! Woohoo! My only complaint is that the radio is on in the shop all day and I'm stuck listening to RTE Radio One which has the Joe Duffy show which is basically like being tortured through your ears. I'm going to lose my mind soon, all I'm hearing is people whingeing about the water, Ryanair and the VHI raises. Today I also had to listen to a bunch of country holy joes moaning about the "filth" that is Mrs Brown's Boys and The Savage Eye. Now, I haven't watched Mrs Brown's Boys, I'm not a huge fan of Brendan O'Carroll, but The Savage Eye is fucking HILARIOUS! Omg, I nearly wet myself laughing watching it. Listening to the radio though you'd swear we were still living in the fifties, these people were complaining about the swearing and the rude nature of the TV shows and isn't anyone thinking of the children?! Sorry but it's not up to RTE or anyone to think of the children, the shows are on late at night and if you let your kids watch it then it's your problem and no one elses. Seriously though, I can't beleive RTE gives air time to a bunch of crack pots who clearly have nothing better to do than pick faults in everything they watch on TV. If you don't like it, don't watch it We all pay a TV licence fee which means RTE is entitled to broadcast entertaining stuff as well as Fair City and Nationwide, occasionally they get it right so don't make them cancel the good stuff!

On top of that though, I'm gonna be working full time for literally the first time EVER which has thrown my body clock waaaaaay out of sync so my postings may be a little erratic! It's really odd working full time, it's kinda nice that I have a full time job and I'm less lazy but then I'm like "How the hell does anyone get anything done?!" People raise children while doing full time work, they wash clothes and have showers and somehow manage to sleep! I, on the other hand, have not mastered the art of having absolutely no fucking free time. And I don't even have kids! But then at the same time it's like I only have a certain amount of free time so I can't get distracted and go off and do other random shit instead of important stuff. Having said that, I cooked dinner while writing this blog so getting distracted isn't something I'll grow out of any time soon...

Speaking of knitting, let me show you what I knitted for some presents this Christmas! First up we have the blanket I knit for my granny:
Have to admit though, I've basically been knitting it since the summer and it pretty much nearly killed me! It's a very complicated pattern and my hands kept getting cramped and stuff! I'm very proud of myself though for completing it, even if my mam did have to sew it up for me...

These babies are the egg cosies I knit for my friend Ciara, I think they're so cute! I knit myself a set aswell. I did knit one more gift but it seems I forgot to take a photo :( Oops. Well, I'm currently working on a pair of socks which is probably way above my skill level so be prepared to laugh heartily at my attempt.

The Break Up

2010-12-23T12:44:00.004Z

Dear Snow,

We need to talk.

I think it's time our relationship comes to an end. It's not you, it's me! You're a really great weather system and I'm sure, one day, you'll make another country really happy but me...I'm just not cut out for such dramatic weather. I'm too soft and not used to drama and I must admit, I still hold a candle for my one true love: rain. Rain was easy, I was used to him. I only hope he can forgive me after all that complaining I did when he was around. As someone once said "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need." Maybe I wanted snow, but I need rain. Rain brings potatoes and forty shades of green and really, that's what I'm all about.

I just can't handle your temper, all those snow flurries and blizzards, not to mention the slush...don't be embarrassed, I'm sure it happens to alot of weather systems, no big deal.

I'm so sorry but my infrastructure totally sucks, and the people haven't a clue what they're doing, everything comes to a stand still even when you snow a little bit. Although I know your intentions are noble and you just want to make everything beautiful, unfortunately in a country where the government couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery your actions have serious consequences and I just don't know if I can make it work between us.

Don't get me wrong, we had some great times together. All that tobogganing, snowmen, snowball fights and all those snow days in school...I will cherish those memories forever. I hope one day you'll forgive me for this but I think ultimtely we'll both be better off.

I will never forget the time we spend together.

Yours,
Ireland.

******************

Dear Snow,

Ok seriously, I tried to let you down lightly and be as nice as possible about this whole break up thing but blocking my car into my drive and stopping me from going out...what is your problem mister?! We broke up! Get a clue!

It's Christmas, all I want to do is have a nice turkey dinner and see my family but you're even stopping me from doing that. It's not right Snow, please just try to accept that we don't work well together...just find it in your heart to let me go.

Regards,
Ireland.

******************

Dear Snow,

If you don't stop harrassing me I'm calling the cops! I can't leave my house, I can't drive anywhere, you're making my life miserable! Why are you doing this to me?! I was good to you, I let you into my life and now you're ruining all those happy memories by isolating me from my family and threatening my social life, my work life and my central heating bill! How could you do such a thing?! Didn't you love me, once...

By the way, I know all about your other women. England, Belgium, Germany, France. You thought I wasn't gonna find out but I saw your pictures all over the news. You bastard! If there was ever a hope of us getting back together it's long gone pal. Rain is making his way back to me next week and he certainly never has a problem with slush. Yeah, I said it, it doesn't happen to every weather system, it's not that common and it is a big deal!!!

Ireland.

**************

Dear Snow,

FUCK. OFF.

Ireland.

Fat Ass

2010-12-22T18:45:00.000Z

My lil cutie:-)

Product of the Week No. 9

2010-12-20T16:47:00.001Z

Ah, Christmas, bringer of large amounts of favourite biscuits, yay!

Chrimbo

2010-12-20T14:34:00.008Z

I don't know why I called this post Chrimbo, I hate that word. Ugh.

I'm so excited for Christmas for many reasons:

We may possibly get a white Christmas, which I think would be the first of my life. Although every day I'm expecting to wake up to a blanket of glistening white snow and so far all I've got is frost. I don't know why I even bother watching the weather.
My boyfriend has, despite my protestations, bought me LOADS of presents. I'm shallow, get over it. I'm expecting an excellent haul this year. Of course now I feel like I need to increase my gift quota too him but sadly/happily, I have more sense/less money.
My dad and my brother Aidan are home. Alas, Alex is off cruising the high seas still. Two out of three ain't bad.
I got a new job which I start on December 28th. Very excited, I won't go into too much detail (I don't want to jinx it/let my boss find this blog and realise how nuts I am and de-hire me.) but it's a change and sometihng different and I'm looking forward to having some new experiences in my life. I will still be working one day a week in my current job for the extra cash but for the first time in eleven and a half years I have Saturdays off!!!! WOOHOO!!! I plan on being hungover for many of them.
Quite simply, it's Christmas. Yay!

So alot has been happening with the new job and then changing my hours in my current job and then all the Christmas shopping, which I think I have finally finished so that's why I haven't been as bloggery as I should have been. Also, working ina shop at Christmas is possibly the most soul destroying and unChristmassy thing a person can do and when I come home I'm basically just a shell of a person who can barely talk. People are nuts most of the time but at Christmas they're pretty much retarded animals. Can I actually just clarify a few things just in case there's any insane shoppers out there...

Y'see the big sign that says Electrical Department/Fragrance/Shampoo or whatever? That's generally where you'll find the hair straighteners/perfume/shampoo or whatever is so why don't you try looking there.
Yes, I work here. This skanky ass uniform and name tag are not in fashion this season.
Yes, there is an upstairs, that's where the escalator, the lift and the stairs lead to.
I have no idea what your mother/sister/brother/granny wants for Christmas.
When you watch English TV channels the prices are in STERLING. If you can't understand that maybe you should watch Coronation Street on TV3.
When I'm wheeling a shitload of stock out onto the floor and I say "Sorry" or "Excuse me" understand that to mean "Get out of my fucking way before I run you over, bitches."
Stop hitting me with your shopping bags!
Don't touch me, "Excuse me" will work just fine.

Anyway,I hope you haven't missed me too much when I'm in my post-work catatonic state, I know it's awfully hard when I'm not around to entertain you, hang in there folks! It'll probably be a busy two weeks but I will try to post something, even if it's not terribly interesting, but you'd probably expect that anyway! If I don't get to see you....Have a very Merry Christmas my friends. xxx

Catch Up!!!

2010-12-17T21:19:00.005Z

I watch alot of TV, which I'm sure you all know by now. I love TV. BUT I don't watch alot of soaps, Neighbours is the only one I really like and even then I don't watch it religiously.

The thing about soaps is that generally you don't actually have to watch them very often to know what's going on, a) because it takes ages for a story to play out, b) because you can read about them in all those soap magazines which give away all the plots and c) because no matter where you go someone somewhere will be talking about them. Despite my best efforts I pretty much always know what's going on in Eastenders, Fair City and Coronation Street and usually I'm forced to watch them when my mam is here or if I'm visiting my granny. I sort of don't like watching soaps because the acting is usually horrendous (Fair City stand up!) and it annoys me how involved some people get in them, like the people in them are real or something and I hate that some people literally cannot go without watching the soaps, even if they've got plans or have guests or something. I dunno, I love TV but I can cope without The Vampire Diaries if I'm having a few cocktails with my friends. You can subsitute soaps with The X Factor too. I would just like to point out how amazingly happy I am that it's over at least for a few months. I'm trying not to let my ears get contaminated by the warbling voices of YET ANOTHER batch of semi-talented fame hungry knobs.

I possibly made a few enemies just there but I don't care, I hate The X Factor! Wow, that was very liberating. Y'know, it's awful being like the only person in Ireland who doesn't watch The X Factor, do you realise how much of a conversation killer that is?! I feel like a leper :( I'm still not watching it though.

Anyway, I've been keeping an eye on Coronation Street lately since the whole tram crash thing but unfortunately I missed the actual tram crash so I decided to try and YouTube it but it wasn't working. I was raging when I realised that it was shot in feckin HD so it was all slow and jumpy and not watchable at all because I think my lap top was made before HD was even invented. I'm so annoyed! Why oh whyyyyyyyy does technology insist on changing so quickly?! Now I have to get a HD computer?! And now I'm hearing there's 3D TV's coming out?! I can't cope with all this! I'm not really into 3D, it's kind of a pain really, having to wear those stupid glasses. On top of that, aren't they bringing out 3D camcorders?! Do normal people really want to see themselves in 3D?! The horror, the horror!!!!

Bahahahahaaaa!

2010-12-15T19:48:00.000Z

Clever marketing or marketing gone too far?!

Suspicious...

2010-12-10T00:07:00.000Z

Ava, in a prime position to trip me up if I wake up in the middle of the night to pee or go downstairs.

The "I love your blog" Interview

2010-12-05T19:50:00.004Z

Ok so my friend Siobhan tagged me in this blog thingy so I figured, what the hell, I'm too cold to think of anything to post!!!!

Why did you create your blog?
Mostly to get an excuse to write more and express myself because I'm kind of rubbish at expressing myself without shouting or bursting into tears.

What kind of blogs do you follow?
Just anything that makes me laugh! I love The Bitchy Waiter at the moment but I'm always on the lookout for something to add to my list of Blogs I'm Following!

Favourite make-up brand?
Benefit

Your indispensable make-up product?
Mascara, it's great. Particularly a fresh bottle. I'm really bad at wearing make up though, I only wear it when I'm going to something in particular, never wear it on a normal day. I prefer to get a few extra minutes sleep! Although given how ancient I'm starting to get I'll probably have to start doing myself up a bit :(

Your favourite colour?
That's kinda hard actually... I dunno, I just like bright colours!

Your perfume?
Euphoria by Calvin Klein

Your favourite film?
I dunno...I have too many to name! The Virgin Suicides is probably up there, Beauty and the Beast, Avatar...ah, this is too hard! Don't you know I have a really bad memory!

What country would you like to visit and why?
Greece and Italy, I loved Greek and Roman history and I love Greek and Italian food!

Write a question yourself and answer it:
What the hell are you doing with your life?!
Beats me.

Snow Joke

2010-12-02T17:04:00.007Z

I know everyone in Ireland is probably blogging about the snow but our weather is usually so boring, can you blame us?! We mostly just get rain or grey skies, it's nice to have a break! Plus, when you think about it, if it wasn't so cold that snow would be rain and you know you'd all be moaning about it just as much! Ok, so it wouldn't be as dangerous and I probably wouldn't have spent 4 hours trying to get home yesterday...but still, a change is as good as a rest as they say!! Plus you can't build rain men...snow is like interactive weather, it's entertaining and useful, kinda. I know things are a little chaotic at the moment but I'd imagine the government is probably thinking their lucky stars for the distraction, if there wasn't a foot of snow on the ground there'd probably be a rebellion. They're only lucky most people can't get into town otherwise Leinster House would have been stormed and Brian Cowen would be out in the cold. Probably. But then again we're Irish, we'd talk about it but we'd never do it. Dev must be rolling in his grave... I've stocked up just in case I get snowed in. I made sure I had beans and milk and tea and stuff, beans are always useful in cases of survival, I'm sure Bear Grylls would be extremely proud of me. I learn from the best. I also bought a load of candles and matches, just in case. The general feeling around the place is panic, it's supposed to hit -17 degrees today, which is kinda crazy. Hence my stocking up, I also made sure I had toilet paper, bread and the ultimate neccessity in times of crisis...a big bar of Galaxy. For keeping my strength up. In case I get snowed in and have to dig my way out. I think what's most disturbing about this weather is a) We've had it in January already which was crazy enough in itself because it as pretty epic then too. b) Irish people have never seen snow BEFORE Christmas. I dunno if it's a scientific record or anything but it's odd having snow swirling around your head when you're doing your Christmas shopping as opposed to when you're trying to stick to that New Years' Resolution of jogging everyday. c) The thunder and lightening. We don't get it round these parts very much but not only was there snow but the accompanying thunder and lightning was a little discombobulating, it actually shook the car at one point. That's just fucking nuts. d) This probably isn't gonna be an unusual sight in future. Climate change is here, it's queer, get used to it. Things sure have changed here on Walton Mountain. And yes, I'm aware my snowman looks insane. Damien used berries to give him freckles and that just made him look like Jigsaw... The snowman, not Damien. Here's a few more pics of the snow for ya... Plus, I'm going to sacrifice my dignity to make you guys smile...

The War of the Worlds

2010-11-30T13:18:00.005Z

Last night I was exposed to musical amazingness. It's been a while since I've been totally blown away by something and it was so nice not to be all cynical and bored of everything. Because we really are, aren't we? It sometimes just feels like everything's been done before and nothing new happens anymore. Just me? Ok, where was I?! Yes, The War of the Worlds, brilliant! I fell in love as soon as it began. I had no idea what to expect to be honest, I bought the tickets for Damien for his birthday at the beginning of the month and I was kind of expecting just music but then I found out Jason Donovan and Liz McClarnon (former Atomic Kitten) were in it and I was intrigued but still had no idea what the format was or anything.

For those who may not be familiar it's a musical version of the H.G. Wells story and it's set in 19th century Britain which gets invaded by a bunch of aliens. The story is told by a journalist who witnesses the events. The journalist is Richard Burton in hologram form. Very exciting! Jeff Wayne is the man who brought it to the stage and he's the conductor. So the stage is basically an orchestra and a band and then there's a big screen behind which shows you animations and stuff as the story unfolds and then you've got the hologram on the right telling the story and then there's about 6 or so actors who come out and sing various songs throughout the story. It's very cool.

And then the show began and I was all "Wow!" and amazed. The thing is, I recognised the opening music and one of the songs so that was cool and then they had the CGI show behind the orchestra AND THEN a big robotic alien came down from the sky and I was like "WOWWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" I love Jeff Wayne and his insanely shiny shirt. I bought myself a programme even though it was a bit expensive but then I realised it has a big pop out section and it was totally worth every penny. Not enough stuff comes in pop out form if you ask me.

Someone should probaby buy me the album for Christmas.

Totally TV

2010-11-25T00:08:00.010Z

Ok, so my friend Siobhan wrote a post about TV shows she watched growing up, you can read it here. I loved it because I just love reminiscing about TV since I love TV and I watched a helluva lot of it when I was a kid and it's so nice to remember the stuff you love to watch isn't it? Anyway, I have an atrocious memory and on top of that, in pre-NTL days, I often watched stuff and had no idea what it was called so I can't remember half of what I watched. Siobhan mentioned The Girl From Tomorrow and Round The Twist, wasn't Australian TV just great?! What was that one about the band, was it Pugworth or something like that? I was also a fan of And there was this other show about these two tribes of kids living in a post-apocalyptic city or something. Maybe it was called Tribe... Ooh, I also loved Heartbreak High, frickin' bawled when Steve fell off the cliff.

Anyhoo, way over thether side of the world we had this... You know you know the words so sing along!

I decided to do an ol' Google search for stuff while writing this beacause I can't remember half of my life basically and I found a site - http://www.retrojunk.com/ - which has lists of TV shows from the 70's, 80's and 90's which reminded me of so many shows I loved: Alf, Rainbow Brite, Doogie Howser, Baywatch, The Wonder Years...man, the list is looooong. Anyway, I thought it'd be fun if we could all engage in a little reminiscing since it's way more fun than thinking about the future, let's face it, do we even hve one?! So what do you remember and love? Are we all in agreement that kids' TV today sucks and is full of vapid little bimbos with no talent? Oh, just me then... Before I sign off I feel I must share something with you all though. Alot of my TV days were dominated by American, Australian and British TV shows, which is fine because they're bigger than Ireland and have more money and better production values etc, etc than RTE and I guess it's cheaper for RTE to buy in these shows than make their own BUT I feel the youth of today is seriously missing out on someting because RTE was responsible for one of my favourite TV shows from my childhood. For those of you reading this in other countries, this guy raised an entire generation of Irish people...

We're F****d!

2010-11-23T13:48:00.003Z

You may take our lives, but you'll never take our freedooooooooooooommmmmm!!!!!!!

Oh wait....did the IMF just take our freedom?

I'm feeling pretty crappy today, mostly because I got my braces on yesterday and my mouth feels like my teeth got punched alot but also because Ireland has basically screwed itself over and asked for a bailout from the EU and the IMF to get through the economic crisis.

We're two years into the recession, we've had massive budget cuts, levies and huge job loses and none of it has acheived anything. It's like we're back at square one. I know I don't know alot about economics or anything but this just feels so awful, like there's just this cloud after floating over us and there's no light. More people will lose jobs, we're going to have huge cuts in the budget in December, the government is falling to pieces. The most tragic thing is people are calling for Brian Cowen's head, they want the government to be dissolved and a general election called but who the fuck are we supposed to elect?! As far as I can see they're all as bad as each other and not one of them has a clue what to do so essentially we're an island with no leadership prospects. We're doomed.

We haven't even had independence for a hundred years and we've just handed our economy over to someone else. What was it all for? Think of all the people who fought against British rule in our country. Who died for us, so that we could have control over our lives, our land, OUR ECONOMY. And what happens? We let rich greedy fuckers destroy the banking system. The old boys club scratching each others' backs and throwing away billions while the rest of us were distracted by pay increases and cheap cars. And now we're paying for their crimes, we're gonna lose hospital beds and vital services. People are literally going to die because of this economic crisis.

For what died the sons of Roisin indeed.

Makes me sick, it really does. As the country settled in to watch The X Factor Result, our soverignty was signed away. I know, I'm no better, I know I'm apathetic and I was at Harry Potter on Sunday night but it just feels like as a country we've lost ourselves, we've let ourselves get lost and we've forgotten what history has taught us. We've bred a generation of people who are more concerned with whether Mary Byrne gets through to the next round than who's in control of our finances. There were two people protesting outside Leinster House on Sunday. TWO PEOPLE. What does that say about us?

I've no idea what the future holds but I have a feeling things are gonna get way worse. For me I'm pretty sure this time next year I'll still be living at home and I'll be in the same job. I just know it. Ugh. I feel seriously shitty. Straighter teeth yes. Skinnier, hopefully. But I probably won't be able to afford to eat let alone have that 30th :(

Life. Sucks.

Brace face!

2010-11-21T17:25:00.000Z

Well here we go, it's the beginning of a long and beautiful relationship with my dentist! Let the hotification continue, one year til the big 3 0!

Product of the Week No. 8

2010-11-18T16:34:00.006Z

My product of the week this week is the humble yet mighty banana sandwich.

The banana sandwich is great because it just ticks so many boxes in terms of nutrition AND TASTE but like most delicious and tasty treats, it has to be made to perfection in order to be satisfactory. You MUST use fresh bread, white sliced pan is the best I find but y'know, I'm trying to be all healthy and stuff so I had to use brown multigrain today. Your banana MUST be at the nice buttery yellow colour stage, firm yet soft, no gooey brown bits but not hard either. And of course, you MUST use real butter otherwise you won't get that nice mix of the sweetness of the banana with the saltiness of the butter. And you MUST eat it straight away. You CANNOT pack your banana sandwich te night before and then eat the next day, it's just not cricket my friends.

I realise a banana sandwich isn't quite in the vein of all my normal products but I've pretty much broken ALL the rules in trms of these product of the week posts so why not one more?! If you look closely at the picture you'll see a) my super cool cow plate and b) a possible contender for a future product of the week but I'm not sure I should be promoting drug use so I dunno!!!

I've also just been to se The Kids Are Alright and I have to say, frickin' loved it! It was so funny and so true and just downright brilliant. I admit, I love Mark Ruffalo so it wasn't difficult for me to watch but it's definitely a movie I'm adding to my collection when it comes out on DVD. Julianne Moore was great, she was just so hippy trippy and floopy, I loved her.

Twit Twoo

2010-11-11T20:05:00.004Z

I have a confession to make.

Despite me being supercool and down with the kids and having a blog and generally being a proper 21st century gal with my laptop and my ipod and dinky little car, I don't get Twitter. I'm sorry, I know you must all be so disappointed in me but I just don't get it and I find trying to read it really confusing, I can't tell who the message is from or anything! But whenever I'm browsing the blogosphere I see loads of people have Twitter on their blog and I worry that y'know, I'm falling behind the times and all the other kids are gonna surpass me and then make fun of me!

To be perfectly honest I'm happy just occasionally updating my status on Facebook, and even then they're not always terribly interesting so what's the point in me tweeting?! I'm good at waffle but not at making succinct, interesting announcements/proclaimations. But am I missing out on a vital part of techno life? Have I cut off my nose to spite my face??

The thing is, I don't really want to tweet either though. I feel it's merely another symtom of the illness that is our hyper busy society. Why do we all feel the need to do everything? Why can't we all just do one thing and do it well. Look at celebrities now. Their not celebrities, they're brands. They have clothes and perfume and reality TV shows and they just spread themselves so far and wide that eventually people just get sick of them. It's like no one can be just one thing anymore, they want to do a little bit of everything. And let's face it, that's just silly. I mean, would you like a doctor who just knows a little bit about being a doctor because he's too busy trying to run a hotel or play football? Nope, didn't think so. I want a doctor who knows EVERYTHING about being a doctor and nothing about running a hotel or playing football.

I think that's why I've been finding it really hard to find a job. I'm not good enough because I don't do everything and on top of that most jobs that I see involve doing several different roles and most of the time there's always something on that list that I'm not qualified in. Story of my life really, I do the things that I'm supposed to do but it's still not good enough. Damn you modern life! Damn you reccession!

But back to Twitter. I just don't think it's me really. I'll take comfort in the fact that I'm pretty much the Queen of Texting. My phone is pretty much glued to my hand. It's a good job I didn't have one in school because I'd probably barely be able to write or read. I thoroughly disaprove of this text language that encroaching on the English language. No more I say!

Am I an old fogey now? I'm fast approaching 29 y'know. Only 2 weeks of being 28 left. Feeling a little panic attack coming on...

Ok, I'm ok.

The wind is literally howling outside so I'm going to go and make myself a hot chocolate and go back to trying to knit a blanket for my Granny for Christmas. Wish me luck!

Life Update

2010-11-09T21:37:00.007Z

I haven't been posting alot this past week or so because I've been working alot. Normally, I only work part-time, for many reasons but mainly ones that involve the words "abhorr", "job", "my" and "fucking" in no particular order. Occasionally though I find myself doing a few extra days and unfortunaltey this throws my whole week out of sync because I work weekends so when I squeeze in a few extra days it feels like I have no time off at all. And actually that's sometimes the case. So I'm sorry I didn't post as much as I had been. Also, my job isn't particularly inspiring; it's hard to write when all you want to do when you get home is walk in the door, lie on the floor in a foetal position and cry, cry, cry.

There's not alot of stuff going on in my world at the moment anyway. I've managed to buy a few Christmas presents which is pretty amazing, several of which are totally perfect if I do say so myself. I also had my boyfriend's birthday which went well, we went to TGI Fridays's and had the ribs. Nom nom nom.

My writing has been going well. (I'm really bad at tagging my posts and remembering what I've written so I can't remember if I've told you that I'm doing a Creative Writing course but anyway...I'm doing a Creative Writing course...) I read out a story last week which was kinda scary but I know I had to do it since I'm kinda thinking I'd like to start maybe entering competitions and stuff, generally getting more experience and becoming a super duper writer who will one day be super duper rich. It'll be like a little nixer or something. Anyhoo, the story went down well, everyone responded positively to it. The only thing was that the teacher thought maybe the ending wasn't suited to the story so I've been trying to come up with a different approach to the ending. It's so odd, when you hear about people writing and they talk about letting the story flow and lead you and stuff and generally I think stuff like that is kinda bullshit but it's kinda true. You come up with your idea and once you sit down and start writing it it's like it just flows out of your pen and the story goes where it goes and you have very little input. It's like it's already written in your subconscious and your conscious brain just sort of shuts down and lets it flow out of your pen. I know, I know, sounds like total tree hugging hippy crap but I'm really feeling the writey vibes these days. I'd like an office with a big oak desk with one of those green leather panels in it and with like drawers for all my pens and notebooks and cool writery stuff. At the moment I generally just write in bed and have scraps of paper floating about me... The point I was trying to make, however, was that I'm finding it hard to come up with a different ending because that was the one that flowed out of my pen, y'know? So I'm at an impasse at the moment but I will be brave and post it when I'm finished. It's time for me to take a chance and hopefully my confidence will grow as a writer and a person.

Oh I lost 2.5 pounds in Weight Watchers this week, woohoo! Also, have decided to go with the braces, b-day is November 22nd, will post a picture. Let the hotification begin...

Winter's Here!

2010-11-03T21:20:00.003Z

Since November has arrived the weather has gone from being mild and Autumnal with warm temperatures and lots of red and brown and yellow leaves blowing around the place, it was beautiful, really. And then, as soon as November arrives! Bam! It's like a hurricane out there, it's freeeeeezing cold and wet and...wintry! I'm not complaining really though, I like the winter, for several reasons.

It's my birthday at the end of November. Yay!
You get to wear layers of clothes instead of having to peel them off and expose fat flesh. Yay!
Lots of new TV shows start in the winter. Yay!

My new TV show of choice this season is The Walking Dead which is based on a series of graphic novels of the same name. The novels are very good, Damien got me hooked on them and so far the show looks excellent. Andrew Lincoln is in it and I do like him alot :) It's about zombies in case you're wondering and yes, there's a very 28 Days Later vibe to it but give it a chance! Zombies do actually scare me though so I dunno if I'll be getting much sleep over the next few weeks...

Oh I went back to Weight Watchers yesterday. I feel like a whale :( but all I want to do is eat. And it's pretty much impossible to motivate yourself to go out and exercise whn the wind is howling around you. Ugh...I want cake! Right now I think I'm going to go and type up the story I'm working on for my creative writing class, I dunno if it's any good and I'm not sure if I'm ready to share yet but hen I am you'll be the first to know!

Product of the Week No. 7

2010-11-01T15:43:00.006Z

I realise we haven't had one of these in a while, I guess I've had sooooo much else to talk about that I just didn't have the time. Plus, I forgot. This week's product is a make-up item. It's The Porefessional by Benefit!
Tah dah!

I bought this a few weeks ago in that crazy splurge I did in Boots in Liffey Valley and I was pretty sure I'd still be feeling guilty about spending THAT MUCH FECKIN MONEY on two items but thankfully the guilt faded (as it always does, let's face it, I'm a impulse purchaser-aholic...) and I have come to realise it's actually an excellent product! The sales girl fed me the pitch, it's like a primer for your face and you can wear it alone or under make-up. I'm not a great make-up wearer, I find it claustrophobic and not good for my skin, in fact the reason I ended up being talked into buying this product is beacuse I was looking for a new foundation because my other one is causing my skin to break out. So, the Porefessional is a primer, like I said, but it's apparently got silicone in it which kinda fills in your pores as you rub it on thus giving your face a more even complexion. That's the sales pitch but to be perfectly honest I don't really care what's in it, once it doesn't make my face break out! It's a really soft cream and it's got a bit of a tint in it so when you put it on you can see instantly that your skin has evened out and your pores aren't as visible and that's why it works on it's own or else under make up. I also bought Flawless powder foundation and I find the two go really well together because like I said I don't like alot of make up on my face particularly if I'm wearing make up dring the day, this just gives you a really natural look.

Excellent!

P.S. I did another splurge today in Boots because we had a double discount day for staff which was great so I bought a loooooad of stuff, possibly a few weeks worth of product of the week posts!

P.P.S. My silver shoes didn't fit :( Had to get a refund. GUTTED!!!! But I bought a new top with the money I got back so I guess it's a little consolation but still... GUUUUUUUTTTTTEEEEEEDDDD!!!!!!

Halloween Fairy Cakes

2010-10-30T22:18:00.000+01:00

Love the Gaga!!!!

2010-10-28T19:55:00.003+01:00

So I was at the Lady Gaga concert in the....ugh...O2 on Tuesday. It was brilliant! I love her, she's so funny and entertaining. Her costumes were fab and the whole show was just so great to watch. I took a few pictures but alas it was only on my camera phone so they're kinda crappy but here ya go...

Croker

2010-10-28T12:24:00.000+01:00

Just sat a civil service exam in Croke Park, about as close to a corporate box as Ill ever get!

Disaster!

2010-10-23T18:08:00.007+01:00

I'm not having a good weekend.

Firstly, I went over to Schuh in Liffey Valley to get my AMAZING SILVER BOOTS but they didn't have my size. Gutted, absolutely gutted I was. The big balloon of shoe happiness that was inside me was quickly deflated and the thing about that kinda happiness is it's hard to re-inflate once the big pin of disapointment pokes a hole in it. The shoes are €90 which is pretty expensive so I was kinda riding on the "I deserve a treat" train when planning on buying them but the thing about being told they don't have them in your size is it wakes your conscience up, the conscience you had beaten to a pulp in the first place to shut it up while you bought the shoes and the conscience is all "You know you can't afford these shoes. Yes, they are fabulous and amzazing but you have SEVERAL pairs of fabulous and amazing shoes, many of which you've only worn once." So now I'm not feeling the love for going out and splurging on the silver boots :( I may have to end up doing something sensible with my money instead, like buying food or petrol or phone credit. Or all of the above since the price of the shoes would cover that. Hmmmm. I will never survive living on my own. But they would go SO well with my fab new coat... (The shoes by the way are by Irregular Choice which unfortunately doesn't have a shop here but you can but some of their AMAZING range in Schuh. I love this brand, they are cute and quirky and entirely different from other shoes, I see beauty in every single pair. I know, I'm pathetic but DEAR GOD, I would buy a pair every week if I could.)

My other disasters this weekend included almost flooding my job. Almost. Sitting in the canteen today, we're all having a yap whilst eating our delicious lunches, discussing the joys and perks that come with working where we do and suddenly the water cooler starts leaking. And I don't mean like a little dribble, I mean like a fountain of water spouting in a huge arc halfway across the room. We manage to switch off the water flow but not before there's a puddle deep enough to bathe a baby in spreading through the canteen. So me, being the lovely wonderful obliging person that I am decides to mop the place up with a mop and one of those funky wheely buckets with the squeegy thing for wringing out the mop on it. With my epic task completed I decided to return said funky mop and bucket to where it came from BUT unfortunately there's three steps outside out canteen and me being a puny girl with puny arms...well, I spilt the whole damn bucket down the corridor. So, more mopping ensued... Ugh, I now hate mopping. It's actually quite hard work, I think I definitely burned a few calories at least. I hope.

I've also had a pet related disaster this week too. The other day I bought a Haloween brack (I frickin' love Haloween brack) and in one of my slices I got the ring (I know, I know, so exciting!) so I had the ring in my hand and my cat comes up and starts licking it, (she eats anything, witness her heating yuk sung...

...so no surprise to see her enjoying a few crumbs off a cake), however I was stupid enough to put the ring down and a split second later it was gone. Down the hatch. DISASTER! Now, I love my cat but I would be snapping if I had to fork out a few hundred euro for an operation to retrieve a wire ring! Anyway, I rang he energency vet number and she said she should be ok and to feed her some liquid parafin to help clear her out. Phew! We haven't spotted the ring yet but she seems ok, she may have pooped it out by now anyway. I just hope she hasn't pooped in the house. I can't handle poop.

Fitness Freaky

2010-10-21T12:43:00.004+01:00

I dropped my car in to be serviced today and was mad enough to walk all the way home which was a little crazy and overly optimistic since I haven't been on a walk in aaaaaaaaages. Anyway, the walk was from EP Mooney's on the long road aaaaaaaallll the way back to Palmerstown and it took about an hour. Fucking killer. I had to lie down when I got in, I was all shaky and my face was (if you can beleive it) redder than normal which if you know me is very, very red. I really need to get back into shape. Not that I've ever been in amazing shape but not so long ago I could go for an hour long walk without having a stroke. I'm sure the chest pains are down to the incredibly spicy chilli con carne my cousin Emma made me last night.

I've decided to give myself a goal of a year to become SMOKIN' HOT in time for my 30th birthday party so I have to hit the gym, get back to weight watchers and I'm also thinking about gettting braces since my front teeth are actually moving. Here's to the hotification of me!!!! I'll keep you informed of progress, don't expect too much too soon, I don't want to peak too early, like the Irish football team (oh no she didn't!!!) and then undo all my good work right before the party.

I hate the gym but to cheer myself up and spur me on I have my eye on these babies:
And I really like these:

These are also covetable:

These...well, they're just pretty...

And before you ask, yes this was just an excuse to look at shoes. But what were you expecting?! You didn't come here hoping to discuss world affairs did you?! I need help deciding which ones to buy, that is a very important world affair! I've tried the silver ones, they look really good :)

The Social Network

2010-10-16T18:42:00.004+01:00

I'm on a bit of a bloggy buzz this month. I know I may be over posting but considering my general need to be lazy this may not last long so I should probably grab inspiration and hold on to it for as long as possible cos let's face it folks, the inspiration fairy ain't been too kind lately.

So. I like movies and books and stuff but I generally don't review them much because I don't have alot of taste and have a high tolerance for crap (although I have recently laughed my way through Eat, Pray, Love and Twilight: Eclipse so clearly I'm maturing as a movie watcher). In an attempt to expand my writing palate I will from now on attempt to review films and books that I have been watching/reading lately. And so...

Omg you have to go see The Social Network, it's so amazing!

The End.

Ah, I'm only messing! In all seriousness, it was actually really really good. I've heard words along the lines of "better than Citizen Kane" which are some pretty big shoes to fill BUT I would have to say that final scene is defo a match for the "rosebud" scene in Citizen Kane. Sometimes something simple can speak volumes. Anyway, The Social Network is a brilliant film, not just because of it's social commentary but it's like the movie Gods were shining on the whole production and everything just kinda gelled together to make the perfect movie. The performances were fab, Jesse Eisenberg, I smell an Oscar nom! Justin Timberlake was great too, being all creepy and money hungry. Plus there's lots of funny in-jokes about Facebook and where the ideas for certain things came from which only those in the know would get. Happily that's apparently 500million of us so woohoo! It's been a long time since I've come out of a movie and genuinely really enjoyed it and thought it was great. Hurrah for David Fincher!

Disneyland of the Dead

2010-10-15T15:11:00.007+01:00

I don't know if I've told you this before but I would like to be rich. Really really rich. Unfortunately I am a product of this current vapid, shallow, money-obssessed society and alas, I am not smart or sensitive enough to rise above it. I want money and lots of it! It's not entirely society's fault though. It's me too. I want a big house and a new car every year and a pool and I would also like to be able to build like a big fort or underground bunker big enough for me and all my family and my friends to live in in the event of a zombie invasion.

Zombie invasions are actually something I think about quite alot. You all may be surprised to learn that when I'm out and about, in shopping centres or whatever, I am always on the lookout for the best place to position myself should a zombie invasion occur. In shopping centres I look for secret doors and corridors which may need to be blocked in case of zombie invasions. I also like to be aware of where the most stategic place in such a building would be in the event of a zombie invasion. I don't know why I do this, I was doing it very subconsciously until recently when I announced to Damien that the best location to be in Blanchardstown Shopping Centre would be on the level where HMV is, under all the glass because you had a 360 degree view of the whole floor plus a view to the floor beneath. He looked at me like I was pretty crazy. Now whenever we go somewhere, particularly when visiting a castle or something on holidays, we rate them in terms of how inpenetrable it would be against zombies. Don't think I spelt inpenetrable correctly there. Impenatrable? My point is, I rate buildings on their ability to keep zombies out.

However a rather chilling thought has occurred to me since reading The Passage by Justin Cronin. Great book by the way, I loved it since I seem to like reading post-apocalyptic stories where the human race has been wiped out and there's only a few survivors left. This book is about vampires but their vampires ain't sexy or smouldery, they're like proper killing vampires who are afraid of the light and have wiped out the population of the earth or rather the population of the earth has become a race of vampires who are like animals and who are afraid of the light. So NOW in addition to worrying about how safe a building is I have also started to check for nearby power sources in case we have to turn on big-ass lights at night to keep vampires at bay.

Please don't send me to the crazy house.

My whole original point to this post was that in order to reach my goal of being rich I have joined a creative writing class in the hopes that it will help me write that novel that I know I have in me and thus make me rich. Maybe if you're lucky I'll post a story or two and you can all spread the word about how amazing my writing is and help me on the path to richness. If you do help me on the path to richness I will build a room for you in my zombie apocalypse castle. I wish people still lived in castles. I like castles...OMG! I just thought of THE BEST PLACE to hole up in a zombie invsion! DISNEYLAND! We could live in the Disney Castle! Plus there's plenty of food there and a lake to keep the zombies away and there's lots of clothes in the shops AND when we get bored we could just go on the rides! Omg, I am SUCH a genius!

Anchors aweigh!

2010-10-14T17:34:00.000+01:00

My brother is coming home today from 3 months at sea so I made him this welcome home treat:-)

School's Out For- EVAH!

2010-10-11T11:40:00.005+01:00

I was thinking the other day about school.

My mam recently sat her Leaving Cert English exam (and got a B2, pretty impressive after a one year course and not being in school since she was 15. Or 14. Whatevs, a looooooong time.) and now she's doing Maths. This is a fairly epic jump because I've only been out of school (only?!) ten years and I had a quick flip through her maths book and I gotta tell ya, I have no recollection of doing any of that stuff. Seriously.

So last night I tried to help her with her homework and tried to do literally the second page of the book, where (x1, y1) and (x2, y2) are two points on a line and you have to find the mid point, blah blah blah. Anyway, so I try two sums, two frickin sums and I follow the example perfectly...and both of my answers are wrong. Wtf?! Suddenly though, it all comes flooding back. 14 years of following the fucking examples and getting it wrong. I nearly went into a catatonic state. 14 years of doing homework where I had nooooooo idea what the hell was going on. Four. Teen. Years. No wonder I blocked it all out! It's like running against the wind, you keep reading the examples and the formulas and you follow it all properly and then you look at the answer...and there's the pesky little maths pixie, laughing his brains out at your realise you're stoopid.

So all this got me thinking. Why do they teach you all this crap anyway? I mean, why do I care where the midpoint on the line is? Where's the fucking line in the first place?! And algebra? Don't get me started on algebra. In fact, don't mention sine, cosine or tan. Don't mention geometry. All a person really needs to get through life is how to add, take away, multiply and divide. And most of us only need to to that when we're paying the delivery guy or splitting a bill. All you need is the basics to get you through life.

Why don't they teach you actual useful stuff in school? Like actual life skills. For example, some people would say that modern society is lacking in manners, so why don't they teach manners in school? Why don't they teach people how to say please and thank you and to not be rude assholes when they're paying for stuff in a shop? I would also be most grateful if they could teach people how to use deodorant and apply fake tan properly so that you don't look like a tangerine who's been rolling around in the mud. They should definitely have a class that teaches people not to wear leggings when you have an ass the size of the moon. A class on social skills would be good too, so that you'd know how to behave appropriately in akward situations. Oooh, a class about standing up to bullies. (I know a few people who could use that, myself included, we all know who we are...) Or instead of teaching languages (which most of us know would be useful but really when you're 15 you don't really care) we should get classes on how to point and geticulate theatrically to get your meaning across to foreginers. (I'm self taught, since my accent is imcomprehensible whether I'm speaking French or English to Belgian waiters I had to learn to use the power of the point.) Basically it would be a class in charades. Brilliant!

Landsdowne Road

2010-10-08T21:39:00.001+01:00

I know I should get over it and call it Aviva Stadium but seriously, how much more bland and generic can we be? Are we Irish or are corporate whores?Dev is probably spinning in his grave watching us now. I admit it though, it is a pretty impressive stadium. Come on Ireland!!!

P.S. That's my dad in the top picture :)

Spending Spree

2010-10-08T16:08:00.005+01:00

Omg omg omg, I'm having a serious case of buyer's remorse at the moment. I just spent €60 on TWO Benefit make up items! Argh! I was so not supposed to spend too much money and then I just went and did the total opposite and spent a bomb! For anyone who is even remotely easily led by sales girls, stay away from the Benefit counter in Boots in Liffey Valley, my God they are goooooood! I only went in for shampoo and face wash and then I saw something pretty on the Benefit counter and then I remembered I need a new foundation and then the girl came out of nowhere, nowhere I tell you, and plonked me down on a counter and appealed to my horrible red skin and calmed it down and BOOM! I'm now the not so proud owner of Hello Flawless powder foundation and Porefessional pore minimising balm. I reeeeeeeaaaaaally can't afford this stuff, I may have to return it. I hate being poor :( I was clearly meant to be born into an extremely rich family with a trust fund. What the hell happened?!

I love Benefit make up sooooo much...but I am such an idiot for letting myself get hooked like that. What am I?! Ok, yes, I am blonde. And a little bit stupid. And an incredibly impulsive shopper. But aside from that, I'm pretty smart, right?! I shouldn't be easily taken down by someone who's probably one commission and who sees me as a sucker.

God, I really am a sucker...

Brussels' Comic Murals

2010-10-05T17:35:00.008+01:00

Belgium

2010-10-05T13:38:00.012+01:00

Place Balle de Jeu, Brussels. Home to a very cool bric-a-brac market every day where you can literally buy anything. It might not work but you can buy it! If you're into antiques, second hand crap or just need to replace a wine glass this is the place to go.

Porte de Hal, Brussels

St. Catherine's, Brussels

Ghent, it looks a bit depressing here because it was raining and they're digging up the ground for the tram lines and they're also doing a big archeological dig so it was all a little chaotic.

Dinant, the home of Adolphe Sax, inventor of the... Go on, guess!

Dinant Citadelle

Bastongne, where the battle of the bulge took place in World War 2

Waterloo (as in...)

De Haan

Ostende

Brussels has everything!!!!

Let's Get Physical

2010-10-05T13:10:00.004+01:00

Ok so I'm going to be serious here for a little bit. I know, bit of a stretch for me here folks but sometimes important things need attention.

Today I went for a smear. My second this year because I went for one in March and was told to come back in 6 months for another one due to an abnormal result. That gave me a bit of a fright but as far as I'm aware it's not a big deal and happens all the time but it made me realise how important it is to go for a regular smear because if something was wrong (God forbid) they would catch it early.

In Ireland The National Cancer Screening Service is running a programme that offers free cervical smears to all women between the ages of 25 and 60. Most woment have been sent letter inviting them to get a free smear but if you haven't got one you can register to get on the list at http://www.cervicalcheck.ie/. You can also find a list of all clinics, hospitals, GPs and Family Planning Centres that are registered to give these free smears. There's not alot of things being given out for free in this country at the moment so I would advise each and every one of you to take this opportunity while it's still available.

I'll be honest, it's not pleasant. I hate it. Some people fid it easier than most. Today I found it was quite sore and I totally hated lying on the table thing, praying the little brat running around te waiting room won't open the door and expose you to all your neighbours. I was very tense, that was probably why it was sore. I know there's nothing quite as mortifiying as getting naked in front of someone and then being probed (!) but it's time to suck it up girls and take care of your lady parts!

Gay bar in Belgium

2010-10-02T00:54:00.000+01:00

*snigger*

Only in Belgium...

2010-10-02T00:50:00.000+01:00

Can't...Take... Any...more!

2010-09-10T17:12:00.002+01:00

I feel a rant coming on. Let me point out a few things.

I by no means claim to be super smart or well informed on the BIG ISSUES of the day. A little bit informed yes, but well informed no. I am reasonably intelligent and I think I have a bit more cop on than your average Joe Soap.

I HATE reality TV, it is responsibly for the general dumbing down of our society and anything/one that make stars of people like Jedward and Jade Goody (yeah, I said it) should be obliterated from this Earth and spend all eternity in hell having their hearts cut out and fed to them. Yes, I did at times watch various series of Big Brother, I was caught up in the reality TV storm when it first arrived but unlike most people I woke up from my daze and realised that watching morons embarass themselves is not entertainment. Despite all this I still watch E! News, because I love celebrities. (Alas, E!News my have to be ditched because they too seem to be under the illusion that people from reality TV are celebrities, but that's a whole other post...)

I have a point, I promise.

As you may be aware I have a degree in Journalism but I'm not pursuing a journalism career because I suck at journalism. I am totally rubbish at coming up with/investigating stories, talking to people and anything else that involves good journalism. I just don't have it in me I'm afraid.

At least I'm man enough to admit it.

Unlike whoever decided to put the "Amy's On Call" photo on the cover of The Irish Independent today. Now, I don't have a problem with Amy Huberman. Nor do I have a major problem with the idea of a frivolous picture on the cover of a paper in order to get people to buy it, after all, it's the world we live in. What I do have a problem with is what it says underneath the picture: "Amy Huberman was back at work yesterday, filming a TV project penned by Cecelia Ahern. Shooting at a former hotel in Dublin's south city, the project is being kept under wraps. However, the Irish Independent understands the project is called "Three Wise Women". There is speculation it is a

(oh! Hold on to your hats! Here's the "news" bit!)

medical drama AS EXTRAS ON SET YESTERDAY WERE WEARING HOSPITAL UNIFORMS. AMY HERSELF, PICTURES HERE LEAVING A TRAILER TO GO ON SET, WAS WEARING A BADGE OF TYPICAL MEDICAL STAFF."

Well now, if that wasn't the most amazing investigative journalism I have ever read! I am blown away by these discoveries! I'm AMAZED it wasn't on the 9 o'clock news! Well done boys, well done.

I think my brain just died.

I apologise if I'm coming across as really snarky. This kind of shit masquerading as "news" just pisses me off. Plus, I am having the most horrendous period know to man at the moment. Actually not know to man because they don't get periods. Bastards.

Product of the Week No. 6

2010-09-10T14:42:00.004+01:00

This week our product is actually an old favourite of mine since I discovered them on a school trip to Germany in 5th year. Or was it Paris in 4th year? Either way, it was defintely a school trip and it involved the continent. I'm talking about Toffifee.

I could eat these til I throw up and then just eat some more. I dunno what it is, the combination of chocolate, caramel, hazelnuts and praline? The way the little disk of chocolate on top is so smooth and dark? The way the light bounces off the round caramel cup before you wolf it down? I just don't know but that combination of factors have come together to create what may possibly be the most amazing sweets IN THE WORLD. Thanks to cheap flights, my dad living in Brussels and the arrival of Lidl/Aldi to our shores I now have more access to these chocolates than ever before. Not that that helps in the Weight Watchers department. I've yet to point them but I probably shouldn't since it's impossible for me to eat only one and also impossible for me to leave any in the box once I've started. Why do you mock me Lord?!

Jammers

2010-09-09T19:16:00.000+01:00

Bizarro traffic jam outside my house involving 2 hummers,an ice cream truck and lots of cars.

Bakity Bake

2010-09-03T12:29:00.006+01:00

Last week I went on a bit of a baking buzz. I whipped out The Hairy Bikers' Mums Know Best cookbook and created three masterpieces:

Mrs Miller's Empire Biscuits. These were delicious! They're kinda like Jammy Dodgers but better cos the biscuit bit is reallt soft, like shortbread and then you've got the icing and the cherry on top which, let's face it, just makes everything so much better. Plus they sound really posh and regal since they're biscuits of the Empire.

Apple and Blackberry Crumble. I think this may have been the best of all the dishes I've ever tried. It was so unbelievable tasty AND I even made real custard (from scratch!) to go with it and all the flavours just complimented each other beautifully. I cooked it for our big family BBQ so I'm not just saying it was delicious because I thought it was delicious, it actually was delicious according to lots of people. I'll stop saying delicious now.

Crumpets. I dunno if thes babies were quite as amazing as I'd anticipated. There wasn't alot of bubbles in them and they were a little stodgy. I think it may have been my fault because it askes for a 7g sachet of yeast and the packet of yeast that I have doesn't have individual sachets so I was trying to figure out 7g which is virtually impossible unless you have some sort of scientific weighing scales and not the plastic one that I have. Great for big measurements, not so good for small ones. I really like crumpets, especially when slathered with butter but I may have to stick to the packets from M&S until I master this one. They're also a bit of a pain to make, they involve having to stand here watching them and I just have no patience for that. It just wasn't meant to be.

It's really hot and sunny this week, I guess because the kids are back in school, sucks to be them! It's so geat being able to enjoy the nice weather since I'm not in school anymore and because I'm only working part-time. If I ever do get a full time job I hope I get one with a window, my current job has no windows and while that may not seem like a big deal to you, it actually is a big deal when you don't see day light for 9 hours of the day. I'm currently sitting in the back garden while writing this so I apologise if there's lots of misspellings, I can't see the screen very well, all I see is my reflection and I can tell you , it ain't pretty! I look like a big pink walrus. With a hat and sunglasses. I should really put some sun cream on...

Product of the Week No. 5

2010-08-24T12:41:00.006+01:00

Taco fries.

I can't believe it took me 28 years to discover these babies. Deeeeeee-LISH! And the nastier and cheaper the better. Pile up that grated cheese please! I've tried them from four different places:

The Roma in Ballyfermot
Rapeedos in Palmerstown
Citi Takeaway in Cherry Orchard
Apache Pizza in Palmerstown

All four have made a valiant effort in making taco fries. Citi takeaway is possibly of the highest gourmet standard, the beef is perfect and the cheese is finely grated BUT they have celery in it and this begs the question why?! Celery?! Fucking celery?! Don't even get me started on celery.

Roma and Rapeedos are ok but it's just like an after though, y'know? They needed something extra to put on the menu so they figured they'd reach out to another portion of the chipper demographic. Close but no cigar my friends.

Apache, however, is definitely the best. Yes there's peppers and onions in there but they're nice and sqidgy, just the way I like them. The sauce is just the right combination of whatever it is that goes into taco fries and the cheese is just perfect. Apache, I salute you.

Nellie

2010-08-19T16:40:00.000+01:00

My new next door neighbour!

Ooh,fancy!

2010-08-19T13:23:00.000+01:00

Just about to head over Dublin's newest bridge for the first time. Very excited! Yeah yeah, Im a sap, I know. Anyway, you can't really tell from this angle but its shaped like a harp and it swings out to let big boats through. I like it, it's pretty.

Things I Learned Today

2010-08-19T12:56:00.004+01:00

1. This city has WAY too many traffic lights.

2. If you drive around the city centre just following the roads, you'd probably never get out. It's like a crazy maze. It's maddening.

3. Parts of Dublin are stuck in a time warp, like the Celtic Tiger didn't happen. It's disgraceful. Wealth was not distributed fairly and now ordinary people are paying the price. Grr.

4. Making the perfect soft boiled egg is difficult but oh, so rewarding.

5. I know the general consensus is that men are from Mars and women are from Venus but I'm starting to think that that particular Mars is in an alternate dimension where absolutely nothing makes sense and everything is upside down and it's all yout fault! Without you having to do anything! Gah!

Attention seeker

2010-08-18T14:45:00.000+01:00

Sits on my lap top and eats my yogurt...tryin to tell me somethin?!

Me Time

2010-08-17T09:59:00.008+01:00

At the moment I'm trying to muster up the energy to go out for a walk. Clearly I'm not getting very far since here I am talking to you fine folk. The thing I hate most about exercise is that you can never do enough and the problem is that there's not enough hours in the day to squeeze it all in! I wish I was one of those people who consiered "me time" to be exercise, and they can go out and walk for hours and are happy with that. For me "me time" is sitting on my ass watching TV or in my room listening to music, generally involving not alot of movenment. I don't mind going for a walk but in order to burn off more calories as you get fitter you have to walk for longer and eventully you'll just end up walking for hours and who has time to do that?! Even with my part-time hours! I have things to do y'know! I am awfully good at coming up with things to occupy my time.

I watched "(500) Days of Summer" at the weekend. Aw, such a good little movie. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is still my man of the hour. He's pretty funny actually, I'd like to see more of him in rom-coms, although I'd imagine he's one of those "serious act-or" kinda guys. Not that I mind that but y'know, if I was amazingly gorgeous I'd do fluffy movies tht showed off my amazing gorgeousness until said amazing grgeousness was gone and THEN I'd get into the serious stuff. Not everyone gets the chance to show off like that! It was just such a cute film. Although in my general opinion Summer was just a flake and a bit of a selfish bitch. Maybe that's just me though. I have some "me time" later, perhaps I'll watch it again to confirm my suspicions.

In other news I was at (one of my many) cousin's 21st on Friday. I feel so frickin' old. My 21st doesn't seem like that long ago but actually it was. It's weird how time gets so strange like that, it doesn't seem like long ago but when you look at all the things that have happened to you in between those times then it seems like aaaaaages ago. I'm not one of these people who's gonna lie about my age or anything I mean what's the point?! It's gonna happen to all of us so there's no point in being depressed about it. Having said that, I am pretty depressed about it. This summer I feel really fat and old. It's awful. I'm planning on having a 30th next year but that is way too close for comfort. But y'know, 30 isn't as old as it used to be, sure it's not? In the old days people were married with kids by the time they were 21 so 30 was like being a granny but now? Now, 30 is the new 21! 3 and flirty and free! Thats what I plan on telling myself anyway... Oh Lord, I need some chocolate!